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+--- Thread: Question involving dating and attraction (/showthread.php?tid=10768)
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Question involving dating and attraction - Coppanuva - 10-08-2009
I'm interested in trying to find out exactly WHY people are attracted to who they are. So, if you have the time, can you tell me:
what you feel when you are attracted to them?
Why them and not anybody else instead?
Your list of criteria that someone must have to be dated (include race if that is a factor, as well as what cultural background you have).
If you have the time or wouldn't mind doing that, it would be interesting.
Re: Question involving dating and attraction - Mr. Face - 10-08-2009
Uh
modified
i would be -1d more for my answer anywho
Re: Question involving dating and attraction - rumsfald - 10-08-2009
Two NSFW answers to your first question.
All the answers to the remaining questions are the same as why you like anyone, friends, etc.
Re: Question involving dating and attraction - Geoff - 10-08-2009
start hitting the weights, girls like da guns
Re: Question involving dating and attraction - zaneyard - 10-08-2009
any introductory level psychology course will tell you this, or wikipedia.
if your interested in why SOCIETY is attracted it's members, your going to wanna look at the psych side of things
if your interested in what a particular member of this group has to say, maybe it's best to address them specifically
Re: Question involving dating and attraction - Surf314 - 10-08-2009
I think it works better when you drop the notions of having a "type." I've a spectrum of things I'm attracted to, I ended up with my wife because she met those things and was easy to get along with. I'm pretty sure I was the same for her. Her previous BF was pretty much the opposite of me.
Re: Question involving dating and attraction - Coppanuva - 10-08-2009
(10-08-2009, 09:15 PM)zaneyard link Wrote: any introductory level psychology course will tell you this, or wikipedia.
if your interested in why SOCIETY is attracted it's members, your going to wanna look at the psych side of things
if your interested in what a particular member of this group has to say, maybe it's best to address them specifically
Actually, it goes a lot deeper than that. I mean you can argue that it's a personality thing, except we also say there's only 16 different types. I'm really kinda curious what makes people attracted to one specific person, though there are other people who behave in an identical manner.
Re: Question involving dating and attraction - Vongore - 10-08-2009
Why i'm with my gf...
First of all, we can get along. Our personalities match perfectly: i'm kind of the bossy type on a relationship, i'm always the one who decide where to go, and when i don't want to, i always ask my girlfriend to. And she is the kind of people who won't complain as long as everybody is happy, and she is happy with that.
Another thing is that we can talk a lot without getting bored, she's always telling me new stuff and won't stop talking no matter how tiresome was her day. I love that, i hate when my previous girlfriend used to be like "i'm tired, let's talk tomorrow". If i asked it's because i'm worried.
Sex is a factor too, and no, i'm not ashamed to say so, every relationship involves some kind of sex on it.
Now, on some cheesy stuff, i love how she treats me, she's always worried about me. When she knows i'm short on money (kinda always) she waits me outside my uni with a sandwich or lunch. When i'm going home she is always worried if i got home safely, and she isn't the type that calls every five seconds asking "where are you?", i love being treated nicely.
And.. that could be it, i think i already said this to you coppa via IRC :3
:3 goddamn you versus now i can't stop using it
Re: Question involving dating and attraction - zaneyard - 10-08-2009
(10-08-2009, 09:50 PM)Coppanuva link Wrote: [quote author=zaneyard link=topic=3719.msg117118#msg117118 date=1255054546]
any introductory level psychology course will tell you this, or wikipedia.
if your interested in why SOCIETY is attracted it's members, your going to wanna look at the psych side of things
if your interested in what a particular member of this group has to say, maybe it's best to address them specifically
Actually, it goes a lot deeper than that. I mean you can argue that it's a personality thing, except we also say there's only 16 different types. I'm really kinda curious what makes people attracted to one specific person, though there are other people who behave in an identical manner.
[/quote]
i understand you are trying to make discussion on a discussion board. I just like ... helping :S
Here's what I'm not attracted to
Cheating
Overbearing
Needing of attention
dunno, i haven't dated since my first relationship, I really have no clue what I'm looking for. maybe nothing atm. pretty sure I just want to get laid with someone who isn't crazy.
I dunno, I'm attracted to someone I don't want to be attracted to. I know that small amounts of drug use don't affect your overall person, and isn't frowned upon by people as it is like me, but I just don't like it. Still though, I'm attracted to her.
Re: Question involving dating and attraction - Neonie - 10-08-2009
Can't answer the first two
Asian Otaku (don't care what country)
Vidja games and internet refrences
Don't care about boob size or ass size, they could be as big or small as they want and I'll make do.
I can tell you that when I look at someone who truly turns me on I hold my breath for a second and my mind goes blank.
Re: Question involving dating and attraction - Luinbariel - 10-08-2009
1. what you feel when you are attracted to them?
2. Why them and not anybody else instead?
3. Your list of criteria that someone must have to be dated (include race if that is a factor, as well as what cultural background you have).
1. I just smile and think "I'm so glad." Of course if we're talking sexual attraction I feel all *censored* in my *censored*. Generally I'm just really glad and happy when I see him. I feel comfortable and want to be in his arms.
2. It's not hard to say, and yet it is. Everything about him makes him the one I want. It isn't just looks, though of course those are good too; it's the things he gets excited about in life, its his desire to share new things he's learned with me, its his interest in me and the things I know and like, etc. He tolerates the things I hate about myself and helps me love who I am. I could go on forever.
3. I'm not sure about the race thing. I actually don't know many people of different races, which surprises me.
I want someone who is:
- intelligent
- attractive (to me)
- happy
- funny
- has some similar interests but some different ones as well
- will listen to me no matter what
Again I could probably list a few more things but in the end it doesn't matter. The most important things are someone who is happy, funny, and for me intelligent.
Re: Question involving dating and attraction - Aerox - 10-09-2009
(10-08-2009, 09:50 PM)Coppanuva link Wrote: we also say there's only 16 different types.
Uh, no.
Re: Question involving dating and attraction - Luinbariel - 10-09-2009
(10-08-2009, 09:50 PM)Coppanuva link Wrote: [quote author=zaneyard link=topic=3719.msg117118#msg117118 date=1255054546]
any introductory level psychology course will tell you this, or wikipedia.
if your interested in why SOCIETY is attracted it's members, your going to wanna look at the psych side of things
if your interested in what a particular member of this group has to say, maybe it's best to address them specifically
Actually, it goes a lot deeper than that. I mean you can argue that it's a personality thing, except we also say there's only 16 different types. I'm really kinda curious what makes people attracted to one specific person, though there are other people who behave in an identical manner.
[/quote]
Typing sucks.
If we're looking as attraction, as zane said, you have to look both psychologically and socially. There are FAR more reasons someone would find another person attractive that go beyond a set type, such as social acceptability and desirability based on social status, maybe waist to hip ratio (seriously, its a factor), pheromones, etc etc etc.
We are FAR more complex than just types. My brain can tell you some of the reasons I'm attracted to someone, but there's no way in hell I'm actually aware of all of them.
Re: Question involving dating and attraction - Mr. Face - 10-09-2009
(10-08-2009, 11:08 PM)Neonie in a Suit link Wrote: Can't answer the first twoI agree with 2/3 of what Neonie said
Asian Otaku (don't care what country)
Vidja games and internet refrences
Don't care about boob size or ass size, they could be as big or small as they want and I'll make do.
I can tell you that when I look at someone who truly turns me on I hold my breath for a second and my mind goes blank.
I'm 16 guess which one i don't agree with
Re: Question involving dating and attraction - copulatingduck - 10-09-2009
well rummy stole my answer, so I'll try to help out with something a bit more less tangible (boobs are def tangible)
(10-08-2009, 08:06 PM)Coppanuva link Wrote: I'm interested in trying to find out exactly WHY people are attracted to who they are. So, if you have the time, can you tell me:
what you feel when you are attracted to them?
dopamine. and boners.
(10-08-2009, 08:06 PM)Coppanuva link Wrote: Why them and not anybody else instead?
why the assumption that attraction is monogamous? or am I misunderstanding this question? you ask for criteria separately, that's really the only thing that separates 1 from another.
(10-08-2009, 08:06 PM)Coppanuva link Wrote: Your list of criteria that someone must have to be dated (include race if that is a factor, as well as what cultural background you have).
not be really ugly. that's about the only requirement, everything else is just a set of weighted values
Re: Question involving dating and attraction - zaneyard - 10-09-2009
as duck said, i'm attracted to more than one person at once, as most of society is.
at least i didn't cheat on the bitch
Re: Question involving dating and attraction - Neonie - 10-09-2009
(10-09-2009, 10:44 AM)Mr. Face link Wrote: [quote author=Neonie in a Suit link=topic=3719.msg117130#msg117130 date=1255061316]I agree with 2/3 of what Neonie said
Can't answer the first two
Asian Otaku (don't care what country)
Vidja games and internet refrences
Don't care about boob size or ass size, they could be as big or small as they want and I'll make do.
I can tell you that when I look at someone who truly turns me on I hold my breath for a second and my mind goes blank.
I'm 16 guess which one i don't agree with
[/quote]
I'm going to go with the female proportions bit of it.
Re: Question involving dating and attraction - SAVAGE-0 - 10-09-2009
(10-08-2009, 08:06 PM)Coppanuva link Wrote: what you feel when you are attracted to them?Attracted to date: every minute spent talking to her or being with her is important and makes me so happy just to be in whatever situation it is.... in a word: happy
Attracted to eff: usually something to do with the shape of the eyes is my number 1.Â
Decently skinny, obviously I don't mind a few lbs in the right areas
but boobs CAN be too big imo.good kisser - total turn off even for sexing if they suck at it...
showing some skin...but not in a trashy way -Â for obvious reasons heh
(10-08-2009, 08:06 PM)Coppanuva link Wrote: Why them and not anybody else instead?I think attraction isn't something you can control... you can only control your actions based on them... so my answer to this is any one who says they aren't "attracted" to anyone else is lying (maybe to themselves too)
(10-08-2009, 08:06 PM)Coppanuva link Wrote: Your list of criteria that someone must have to be dated
-genuinely happy most of the time
-obviously hot (in my eyes) - can't date someone I dont want to sex
-can hold an intellectual conversation (in fact debate bc i like to argue) about anything - especially random things like how fast ice melts
-a semi decent taste in music (it's basically my life, so this kinda falls into the ability to relate with common interests)
well that was fun...are you some sort of mad scientist and are creating perfect mates for us? if so.. thanks! i'll take the meg fox model
Re: Question involving dating and attraction - Neonie - 10-09-2009
(10-09-2009, 12:44 PM)SAVAGE-0 link Wrote: well that was fun...are you some sort of mad scientist and are creating perfect mates for us? if so.. thanks! i'll take the meg fox model
I'll take the Lucy Lu Waifu plox
Re: Question involving dating and attraction - SBCrystal - 10-09-2009
I'm totally reading The Anatomy of Love by Dr. Helen Fischer. I recommend it because her writing, though quite academic, is not boring and dry.
There are SO many factors in why people choose who they choose, why relationships don't work, why they do work.
Some fun facts!
- Couples that marry later are more prone to stay together
- Couples who have more kids tend to stay together because
- The human female has a vagina placed for face-to-face sex. Gorillas, chimps, etc do not have face-to-face sex. This could be because intimacy with sex means mated humans will stay together longer (I think bonobos have face-to-face sex, though)
- There is a 7 year itch, but the time varies, when the "high" you get from your relationship dwindles. This is why love isn't really important, but like is. If you have more in common with your partner you will stay together with them even after that "high" is gone and then another chemical is released in your brain that gives you a feeling of contentment with them
- Polygamy (polygyny) is actually practiced in 70% of the world, so don't diss it. And just because some cultures practice polygyny doesn't mean women are inferior in that culture
Anyway, there are never any clear answers on it and nothing is ever concrete.