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+--- Thread: What do I do (/showthread.php?tid=9891)
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What do I do - Sponson - 05-08-2009
My parent's just opened up a second restaurant, its been open 2 weeks and my mom and dad are fighting worse than when we opened the first.
What the hell do I do. I just stayed up from 1.30am to 6 so my dad wouldn't hurt her/destroy things.
Whats worse is I don't feel anything inside anymore.
I just need to get it off my chest, I don't expect people to care.
Re: What do I do - sarcasticsteve - 05-08-2009
Well, the first thing you really can do is assess the situation. Do either of your parents have a drinking/drug problem or are you fearing violence due to natural anger? If you aren't feeling anything it's because you have experienced the problem for so long that you have numbed yourself to its effects, your subconscious is ignoring what your conscious is experiencing. best way to solve the problem is to find another authority figure in your life and tell them, let them know what is going on. We can suggest solutions but that authority figure can produce results.
Re: What do I do - Dave - 05-08-2009
well obviously the first thing you should do is tell the internet.
Re: What do I do - fyre - 05-08-2009
(05-08-2009, 08:28 AM)Sarcastic Steve link Wrote: find another authority figure in your life and tell them, let them know what is going on.Â
This.
Do you have any other family that can help intervene?
(05-08-2009, 08:32 AM)Dave link Wrote: well obviously the first thing you should do is tell the internet.
You're right, but you don't have to be a dick about it.
Re: What do I do - zaneyard - 05-08-2009
(05-08-2009, 08:32 AM)Dave link Wrote: well obviously the first thing you should do is tell the internet.hes just talking dave
most people actually have feelings and it helps to talk about them
not everyone can be a bad ass like you
i second what steve said spoonson
Re: What do I do - Dave - 05-08-2009
sounds like its just them under stress, if they managed the first time there prolly gonna be allright this time.
people fight, no point getting worked up about it.
Re: What do I do - x - 05-08-2009
(05-08-2009, 09:12 AM)zaneyard link Wrote: most people actually have feelings and it helps to talk about them
Homo tbh
Re: What do I do - zaneyard - 05-08-2009
thx budr
Re: What do I do - A. Crow - 05-08-2009
Sounds like a problem for /b/
I'd say step 1 is to go get some sleep yourself.
Re: What do I do - at0m - 05-08-2009
(05-08-2009, 10:41 AM)A. Crow link Wrote: I'd say step 1 is to go get some sleep yourself.This.
(05-08-2009, 08:48 AM)fyre link Wrote: [quote author=Sarcastic Steve link=topic=2831.msg81337#msg81337 date=1241789297]This.
find another authority figure in your life and tell them, let them know what is going on.Â
Do you have any other family that can help intervene?
[/quote]Then this.
Re: What do I do - Sponson - 05-08-2009
Dave is right. They're under stress, no booze no drugs, none of the traditional stuff. Just work related.
Family? All in Taiwan. Authority figure? The internet. I'm on this thing so much.
Re: What do I do - SBCrystal - 05-08-2009
I'm sad to hear that you're going through this right now and that you have to take on a parenting role with your parents.
Do you think that this stress is going to be temporary or permanent? As in, once they get this new restaurant set up, they will get better?
Do you have anyone you can talk to about this? A family friend, your friends, someone at school?
It sounds like your father has a temper, are you and your mother in any physical danger?
If you ever wanna talk, hit me up on steam or you can message me via msn uneditedcrystal(at)hotmail(dot)com.
Re: What do I do - Blues - 05-08-2009
It's okay Spooooooogeson. Just chill and do something awesome.
Re: What do I do - rumsfald - 05-08-2009
Has your dad every been physically violent before?
Has he been violent with your mother before?
Has he been violent you before?
Is it only your dad's fault? (as opposed to your mom egging him on)
Are there firearms in the home?
Is he a lot bigger than you?
Are you financially dependent on him? (as opposed to your mom earning her fair share)
If the answer to each and every one of the above is no (and you don't have to answer in public), then, since you are 18 and a man, then you should be able to tell him that his behavior is out-of-line and he needs to cool it. You can always tell him you will call the police on him for domestic threatening. If he is first generation Taiwanese (lots of loyalty and pride in the men) and he is usually nonviolent that ought to shame him enough to shape up.
Re: What do I do - Blues - 05-08-2009
(05-08-2009, 06:33 PM)rumsfald link Wrote: Has your dad every been physically violent before?
Has he been violent with your mother before?
Has he been violent you before?
Is it only your dad's fault? (as opposed to your mom egging him on)
Are there firearms in the home?
Is he a lot bigger than you?
Are you financially dependent on him? (as opposed to your mom earning her fair share)
If the answer to each and every one of the above is no (and you don't have to answer in public), then, since you are 18 and a man, then you should be able to tell him that his behavior is out-of-line and he needs to cool it. You can always tell him you will call the police on him for domestic threatening. If he is first generation Taiwanese (lots of loyalty and pride in the men) and he is usually nonviolent that ought to shame him enough to shape up.
Children involving themselves in parental disputes only serves to escalate things, as the parents are then required to choose sides, and something that is simple marital argument over the big two (money and sex, yes, all couples have fights, live and learn) becomes a whole new thing.
UNLESS your answer to the above questions is yes (violence), then honestly, leave it alone and let it pass. Most non-idiots don't get into couples fights that their friends have, your parents are no different.
Re: What do I do - SBCrystal - 05-08-2009
Quote:Most non-idiots don't get into couples fights that their friends have, your parents are no different.
I have to disagree. When I was getting kicked, thrown into walls, and controlled it was Luin and Hek and some other friends who saved me and got me the fuck out of there. I might be much worse off if it wasn't for the love of the people around me.
Obviously, not all situations are the same, which is why statements like that can be harmful.
Re: What do I do - Badgerman of DOOM - 05-08-2009
Supporting what Crystal just said, today something like that happened. A pack of freshmen (of the douchebag variety that the freshman girls find soooooooooooo dreamy) started to taunt me and act like all around assholes to me while I was sitting outside with a group of friends. Now, I'm tall, but you can tell that I'm not physically strong, so they picked me out of the group. My friends kinda just got them to go away.
So yeah. Sometimes backup and getting involved is awesome.
Re: What do I do - cannedpeahes - 05-08-2009
Whew. Well, Rummy's advice is typically excellent, and you should know right now that your first priority is to prevent violence against yourself, and your parents. If it looks like it's heating up, stay with a friend. If it looks like nobody can put you up for a while... hit the streets, find a shelter, do something. Trust me. You don't want to be in that situation for long if it gets too heated. It will fuck you up.
But if your parents are generally reasonable people, and you are confident that things won't go much further, stick around and keep your head down. Hang out with friends, and make some new ones. It'll help. Pick up drinking?
And if you need someone to talk to catch me when I'm on Steam or something.
Re: What do I do - Dave - 05-09-2009
help out at the resturaunt instead of drawing boobs.
Re: What do I do - rumsfald - 05-09-2009
(05-08-2009, 10:43 PM)Blues link Wrote: Children involving themselves in parental disputes only serves to escalate things, as the parents are then required to choose sides....
Sponson is not a child, he is 18, and thus and adult son. It sounds like Mom and Dad are treating him like a "child," in that he is supposed to be "seen but not heard" in these arguments.
I agree with the narrow point that the son should not be in the position of saying "Dad is right on this, the money should go to a new dishwasher." "Mom is right on that, you should be giving her the cock once or twice a week, no more and no less." Those are "couples' decisions."
But in this case, the sides seem to be
1) Dad is being a rude and disrespectful asshole to the point he is throwing things and threatening violence
2) Mom has, so far, tried to have a respectful disagreement.
These aren't "couples' decisions." It doesn't matter if Dad is factually "right" about how to spend the money, being an asshole bully is completely "wrong."