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+--- Thread: New/Improved Longest Thread (/showthread.php?tid=9695)
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Re: New/Improved Longest Thread - A. Crow - 04-26-2010
so, when the cable guy set up my internet, he left his $65 electrical wire tracing probe here. It's been a week, so It's mine now.Â
Re: New/Improved Longest Thread - Surf314 - 04-26-2010
I had a good idea for a book called "The Bet," where an upper management guy decides they should get life insurance on their CEO and the officers since they are integral to the companies livelihood. He then realizes that he could get a policy on any staff member without them knowing. After joking with some colleagues about how they can bet on their employees dying they decide to make a pool of lower level workers they take life insurance on without telling them. The joke progressively goes off the rails from there. Now all I need is knowledge of corporate culture, insurance, legal implications of certain actions, and motivation.
Re: New/Improved Longest Thread - A. Crow - 04-26-2010
(04-26-2010, 01:48 PM)LT Crow link Wrote: so, when the cable guy set up my internet, he left his $65 electrical wire tracing probe here. It's been a week, so It's mine now.Â
Mother fucker, 10 minutes later, *KNOCKKNOCKNOCK* "hey, did I leave a.. "Â Karma is a bitch.
Re: New/Improved Longest Thread - Surf314 - 04-26-2010
(04-26-2010, 01:59 PM)LT Crow link Wrote: [quote author=LT Crow link=topic=2632.msg148993#msg148993 date=1272307693]
so, when the cable guy set up my internet, he left his $65 electrical wire tracing probe here. It's been a week, so It's mine now.Â
Mother fucker, 10 minutes later, *KNOCKKNOCKNOCK* "hey, did I leave a.. "Â Karma is a bitch.
[/quote]
lololol
Re: New/Improved Longest Thread - Professor Funbucks - 04-26-2010
(04-26-2010, 01:57 PM)Surf314 link Wrote: I had a good idea for a book called "The Bet," where an upper management guy decides they should get life insurance on their CEO and the officers since they are integral to the companies livelihood. He then realizes that he could get a policy on any staff member without them knowing. After joking with some colleagues about how they can bet on their employees dying they decide to make a pool of lower level workers they take life insurance on without telling them. The joke progressively goes off the rails from there. Now all I need is knowledge of corporate culture, insurance, legal implications of certain actions, and motivation.
I'd read it.
Re: New/Improved Longest Thread - Black Aspen - 04-26-2010
(04-26-2010, 08:00 AM)Caffeine link Wrote: Well clearly they are forgetting that transsexuals don't poop, I thought everyone knew that
... I thought that's why people became transexuals! So they didn't have to poop anymore.
Re: New/Improved Longest Thread - Kor - 04-27-2010
(04-26-2010, 01:57 PM)Surf314 link Wrote: I had a good idea for a book called "The Bet," where an upper management guy decides they should get life insurance on their CEO and the officers since they are integral to the companies livelihood. He then realizes that he could get a policy on any staff member without them knowing. After joking with some colleagues about how they can bet on their employees dying they decide to make a pool of lower level workers they take life insurance on without telling them. The joke progressively goes off the rails from there. Now all I need is knowledge of corporate culture, insurance, legal implications of certain actions, and motivation.
Uh, this is already happening Surf, and for years. CEO/Officers especially love taking out policies on high risk positions, literally hoping the person dies in a few years to raking in millions from the policy.
Re: New/Improved Longest Thread - Surf314 - 04-27-2010
(04-27-2010, 10:16 AM)Kor link Wrote: [quote author=Surf314 link=topic=2632.msg148995#msg148995 date=1272308255]
I had a good idea for a book called "The Bet," where an upper management guy decides they should get life insurance on their CEO and the officers since they are integral to the companies livelihood. He then realizes that he could get a policy on any staff member without them knowing. After joking with some colleagues about how they can bet on their employees dying they decide to make a pool of lower level workers they take life insurance on without telling them. The joke progressively goes off the rails from there. Now all I need is knowledge of corporate culture, insurance, legal implications of certain actions, and motivation.
Uh, this is already happening Surf, and for years. CEO/Officers especially love taking out policies on high risk positions, literally hoping the person dies in a few years to raking in millions from the policy.
[/quote]
I know the fact that that is real is part of the book. This follows from a line of thought that went like this: not everyone who did these terrible things IRL thinks of themselves as evil yet they destroyed people's lives for profit. The most visceral example of this is the policy of taking out life insurance on employees without their knowledge as this is betting directly against someone's life, not their property. When you bet against something you can't help but entertain a desire that it would fail. So in this case a group of people take out bets against people's lives as a joke but they slowly start wanting them to die. At first its just part of the joke, "give the extra work to suzy if it kills her we get some money out of it." But as it starts getting out of control one day they have to face the fact they have turned into monsters, intentionally increasing the likelihood of someone's death for their own gain.
I think that would be the one of the most interesting character studies you can do. Someone who thinks of themselves as a good person slowly becoming a complete bastard and then facing an event that brings the weight of that crashing on him all at once. And you can also examine those that don't let the realization hit them, those that are in denial.
Re: New/Improved Longest Thread - copulatingduck - 04-27-2010
this discussion reminds me a little bit of The Hudsucker Proxy. There's probably more relevant films (I'm almost sure of it), but none come to mind
Re: New/Improved Longest Thread - Surf314 - 04-27-2010
(04-27-2010, 10:49 AM)Duck link Wrote: this discussion reminds me a little bit of The Hudsucker Proxy. There's probably more relevant films (I'm almost sure of it), but none come to mind
I love that movie.
Re: New/Improved Longest Thread - Radio Raheem - 04-27-2010
when i was a little kid my dad was reading this book that i couldnt remember the name of but anyway he read this to me as i was trying to fall askeep right. so there was this plane that crashed and was full of money or something i dont remember but the point is it was kinda like a character study on what they do with the money. some people died i think. anyway they made it into a movie but the guys brother jacob was supposed to be all big and fat and he got played by billy bob thorton so i got all mad that he wasnt fat anymore
Re: New/Improved Longest Thread - copulatingduck - 04-27-2010
sometimes i wonder whether these are actual stories or whether you found them on the internet. can never tell with you tim
Re: New/Improved Longest Thread - Versus - 04-27-2010
i'm deeply moved tim
Re: New/Improved Longest Thread - Ianki - 04-27-2010
(04-27-2010, 12:10 PM)Tim link Wrote: when i was a little kid my dad was reading this book that i couldnt remember the name of but anyway he read this to me as i was trying to fall askeep right. so there was this plane that crashed and was full of money or something i dont remember but the point is it was kinda like a character study on what they do with the money. some people died i think. anyway they made it into a movie but the guys brother jacob was supposed to be all big and fat and he got played by billy bob thorton so i got all mad that he wasnt fat anymore
![[Image: simple_plan.jpg]](http://www.impawards.com/1998/posters/simple_plan.jpg)
Re: New/Improved Longest Thread - Radio Raheem - 04-27-2010
hey dave did that chick with the tits ever come back while you were in philly
Re: New/Improved Longest Thread - copulatingduck - 04-27-2010
(04-27-2010, 12:26 PM)Tim link Wrote: hey dave did that chick with the tits ever come back while you were in philly
no, but the store clerk gave me free muscle milk and pizza
When I was 17 my girlfriend at the time was finally ready to have sex. I, as one might expect of a 17 year old, was excited. Neither hell nor high water was going to stand between me and my final destination.
I get ready for the night, trim everything up, shower extra well. Unfortunately there was also an issue. I have a digestional disorder that sometimes cause my shit to become large and quite solid while still inside me. I wasn't aware it was a treatable problem and, in fact, just thought everyone had to deal with the equivalent of anal kidney stones. I bring this up because I had a mighty one which had been loaded into the gun for several days.
Let me set the scene. Her parents are away. We have her house to ourselves. She was always a little kinky so she demands we do it in her parents bed.
I walk in to a candle holocaust. She's been working on this all day apparently, and its as bright as high noon in there with the lights off. Which is good, because she proceeds to do a sweet, sexy little dance for me. At 16, she was AMAZING. For those of you who never experienced a female at that age, I pity the fool.
Now I'm sitting on the bed, watching this dance. I smile and tell her how good she looks. Unfortunately, most of my attention is focused on the dull throbbing from my sphincter and the large amount of intestinal discomfort associated with not dropping duce in days. But somehow I still get hard and we go to town.
She starts out on top, then we switch. I bend her over the bed, and I even smack her ass (a ballsy move at the time, but she loved it). Due to my built up distraction, I last for what seems like FOREVER. She can't stop moaning and telling me how good it feels, and then she says what every man wants to hear "I want to make you go in my mouth." I **** love women.
So she goes down on me. She was always average at best in the head department but at least she tried. She pops my **** out of her mouth long enough to look up at me and say "tell me if you like this". Then I feel it.
She stuck her finger up my ass.
My brain hits the panic switch and every muscle in my entire body locks up tighter than a three year old virgin. But its too late.
I take a massive, PAINFUL, PAINFUL shit, all over her parents comforter.
No, you aren't understanding. I mean large. Huge. IMMENSE. Take your largest shit and multiple it by forty-two and you'll have an idea of what flew out of me.
And gents, when I say flew, I don't mean "I pooped." I mean "projectile". I mean "hurricane force winds hitting an umbrella stand". And due to my condition, it comes out as a large, dark brown, smelly harpoon.
I know it hit her. I didn't see it. She ran screaming "OH MY GOD OHMYGODOHMYGODEEEEEWWWWWWWW" but I always imagined that, due to her position, it hit her right in the chin. Or at least the tits.
I would like to say I got up to go after her. But I heard the bathroom door shut and I just lied there. The smell hit me after a few seconds. It smelled like someone rolled a cat in shit and threw it into a tire fire. I looked down and saw, to date, the largest bowel movement I've ever heard of laying on the bed. Then I noticed the blood, and when I did, I noticed the pain.
Apparently the fact that it was so large caused it to rip my ass a little bit (thought I was bleeding from the inside. This little doctors trip the next day is what taught me of my condition). There was a small pool of blood where my ass had been. A final reminder of the exact place and moment I lost my virginity. I will treasure this memory for all my days.
I grab my shit with my hands and go to the downstairs bathroom. I throw around 1/3 into the toilet and flush, fearing any more will clog it and only add to my already significant woes.
I stand there, holding 2/3's of my biggest shit of all time, feeling a trickle of blood flow down my leg, trying to ignore the sharp pain stabbing my rectum. I find myself wishing I had a photo of this.
Anyway, I finish flushing my baby, clean off my hands, jam toilet paper between my cheeks (I skipped the bandaid) and went upstairs. I could hear my girlfriend sobbing from behind the bathroom door. I decided not to say anything to her and just keep moving. The smell in her parents room was abysmal. Its like when you take a shit and walk out of the bathroom you think "hey not so bad today," but then you walk back in to grab your magazine and go "HOLY SHIT!". It was one of those moments.
The scene is burned behind my eyelids for all time. My life. My shame. My very first time smelled like a pile of dead babies. I quickly got dressed since the heat from ten thousand candles was making the room feel more like a port-a-potty. I was aware enough to grab the comforter on my way out and drag it downstairs to their washer. Also the top and bottom sheets since the blood had leaked on through all the way to mattress. Still no sign of the GF but at this point I considered it a blessing.
I jammed in the washer with 3 loads worth of detergent and set it on spin, knowing that not even the hand of God would save these linens, let alone Tide and Snuggles.
Then I left. I avoided my GF's calls for days until she came to my house. We had a long talk about what happened. Talk being synonymous with "breaking up with me because I shit on her". And it was all over. She promised not to tell a soul and I don't THINK she ever did. She was probably as ashamed as I was about the whole deed. But I will always this happening as the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me.
Re: New/Improved Longest Thread - Versus - 04-27-2010
nice
Re: New/Improved Longest Thread - Ianki - 04-27-2010
(04-27-2010, 12:54 PM)Duck link Wrote: [quote author=Tim link=topic=2632.msg149179#msg149179 date=1272389179]
hey dave did that chick with the tits ever come back while you were in philly
story
[/quote]
+1
will read again on any other forum.
Re: New/Improved Longest Thread - copulatingduck - 04-27-2010
cool beans
Re: New/Improved Longest Thread - Surf314 - 04-27-2010
(04-27-2010, 01:31 PM)Duck link Wrote: cool beans
What are your thoughts on the AMD x6s? I heard intel is still kicking their ass severely but the price is nice.