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Re: What do I do - Sponson - 05-09-2009

Dad has temper, mom has no reason to incite bullshit.
She accused my dad, a 50 year old man, of trying to court our 26 year old manager.
And then of course my dad puts up with this everyday.
He's usually fine.

Quote:But if your parents are generally reasonable people, and you are confident that things won't go much further, stick around and keep your head down. Hang out with friends, and make some new ones. It'll help. Pick up drinking?

Thats how it goes. I went to college far away so I didn't have to come back as often. Drinking? No matter how many beers I drink, I keep hating it.
Now polynesian drinks are another story.

Quote:Most non-idiots don't get into couples fights that their friends have, your parents are no different.

Because friends are blood related and you have been living and loving them for 18+ years, they have fed you, clothed you, treated you like no american family could ever with their children, they are also married and birthed you and watching them fight has the same connotation as watching your parents fight.

Makes sense.

Quote:Whew. Well, Rummy's advice is typically excellent, and you should know right now that your first priority is to prevent violence against yourself, and your parents.
Yeah thats what I've been doing. It takes a while to escalate to what dad has been like. He says its like someone poking you constantly about things that don't need to be done.

Re: What do I do - fyre - 05-09-2009

Marriage counseling?

Re: What do I do - Geoff - 05-09-2009

(05-08-2009, 06:33 PM)rumsfald link Wrote: If he is first generation Taiwanese (lots of loyalty and pride in the men) and he is usually nonviolent that ought to shame him enough to shape up.

My grandparents been married like 60 years and they fight almost every time they are next to each other. 

Re: What do I do - Blues - 05-10-2009

(05-08-2009, 11:18 PM)SBCrystal link Wrote:
Quote:Most non-idiots don't get into couples fights that their friends have, your parents are no different.

I have to disagree. When I was getting kicked, thrown into walls, and controlled it was Luin and Hek and some other friends who saved me and got me the fuck out of there. I might be much worse off if it wasn't for the love of the people around me.

Obviously, not all situations are the same, which is why statements like that can be harmful.
Which is why I made a clear distinction about the nonviolent situation.
(05-09-2009, 08:52 AM)rumsfald link Wrote: Sponson is not a child, he is 18, and thus and adult son. It sounds like Mom and Dad are treating him like a "child," in that he is supposed to be "seen but not heard" in these arguments.
He is their child, regardless of age, and the point still stands that introducing a new "who's right" angle to the argument will simply serve to escalate.
Quote:But in this case, the sides seem to be

1) Dad is being a rude and disrespectful asshole to the point he is throwing things and threatening violence
2) Mom has, so far, tried to have a respectful disagreement.

These aren't "couples' decisions." It doesn't matter if Dad is factually "right" about how to spend the money, being an asshole bully is completely "wrong."
Bolded what makes interjection on Spoonson's part wrong. You, and probably even he, do not know the full extent of the argument on both sides. Just because one person can calmly express an opinion and another is a heated person does not make ANY difference as to whether either of them is wrong or not. If he feels he can help, he should talk to each parent in private as an adult, not "step up to his dad". That's childish logic at its finest. Being rude to his dad will do no more good than jumping into the middle of one of their fights and screaming at them for being retards.
(05-09-2009, 09:16 AM)Spawn son link Wrote:
Quote:Most non-idiots don't get into couples fights that their friends have, your parents are no different.

Because friends are blood related and you have been living and loving them for 18+ years, they have fed you, clothed you, treated you like no american family could ever with their children, they are also married and birthed you and watching them fight has the same connotation as watching your parents fight.

Makes sense.
Couples' verbal arguments are still theirs, especially when it doesn't revolve around you. Just because you feel more strongly about it due to their relation doesn't make it any more your right or responsibility to try and fix things that, by the sounds of it, will work themselves out properly anyways. The only things you should be concerned about are if violence actually occurs, or if things do not begin to resolve themselves eventually. At this point you should do no more than try to help BOTH of them by, as stated, speaking with them privately, and keeping bias out of anything you say to help.


Re: What do I do - rumsfald - 05-10-2009

(05-10-2009, 04:35 AM)Blues link Wrote: You, and probably even he, do not know the full extent of the argument on both sides. Just because one person can calmly express an opinion and another is a heated person does not make ANY difference as to whether either of them is wrong or not.
Let's look at what Sponson told us.
(05-08-2009, 04:39 AM)Spawn son link Wrote: What the hell do I do. I just stayed up from 1.30am to 6 so my dad wouldn't hurt her/destroy things.

I don't consider that a description of a "heated person," I consider that behavior to be over the line.

(05-10-2009, 04:35 AM)Blues link Wrote: The only things you should be concerned about are if violence actually occurs, or if things do not begin to resolve themselves eventually.

Sigh. The CDC has a whole division on Violence Prevention, for, you know, preventing violence before it actually occurs.
Quote:Intimate partner violence (IPV) is abuse that occurs between two people in a close relationship. The term “intimate partner” includes current and former spouses and dating partners. IPV exists along a continuum from a single episode of violence to ongoing battering....How can we prevent IPV? The goal is to stop IPV before it begins.


Re: What do I do - SBCrystal - 05-10-2009

(05-10-2009, 04:35 AM)Blues link Wrote: [quote author=SBCrystal link=topic=2831.msg81458#msg81458 date=1241842717]
Quote:Most non-idiots don't get into couples fights that their friends have, your parents are no different.

I have to disagree. When I was getting kicked, thrown into walls, and controlled it was Luin and Hek and some other friends who saved me and got me the fuck out of there. I might be much worse off if it wasn't for the love of the people around me.

Obviously, not all situations are the same, which is why statements like that can be harmful.
Which is why I made a clear distinction about the nonviolent situation.
(05-09-2009, 08:52 AM)rumsfald link Wrote: Sponson is not a child, he is 18, and thus and adult son. It sounds like Mom and Dad are treating him like a "child," in that he is supposed to be "seen but not heard" in these arguments.
He is their child, regardless of age, and the point still stands that introducing a new "who's right" angle to the argument will simply serve to escalate.
Quote:But in this case, the sides seem to be

1) Dad is being a rude and disrespectful asshole to the point he is throwing things and threatening violence
2) Mom has, so far, tried to have a respectful disagreement.

These aren't "couples' decisions." It doesn't matter if Dad is factually "right" about how to spend the money, being an asshole bully is completely "wrong."
Bolded what makes interjection on Spoonson's part wrong. You, and probably even he, do not know the full extent of the argument on both sides. Just because one person can calmly express an opinion and another is a heated person does not make ANY difference as to whether either of them is wrong or not. If he feels he can help, he should talk to each parent in private as an adult, not "step up to his dad". That's childish logic at its finest. Being rude to his dad will do no more good than jumping into the middle of one of their fights and screaming at them for being retards.
(05-09-2009, 09:16 AM)Spawn son link Wrote:
Quote:Most non-idiots don't get into couples fights that their friends have, your parents are no different.

Because friends are blood related and you have been living and loving them for 18+ years, they have fed you, clothed you, treated you like no american family could ever with their children, they are also married and birthed you and watching them fight has the same connotation as watching your parents fight.

Makes sense.
Couples' verbal arguments are still theirs, especially when it doesn't revolve around you. Just because you feel more strongly about it due to their relation doesn't make it any more your right or responsibility to try and fix things that, by the sounds of it, will work themselves out properly anyways. The only things you should be concerned about are if violence actually occurs, or if things do not begin to resolve themselves eventually. At this point you should do no more than try to help BOTH of them by, as stated, speaking with them privately, and keeping bias out of anything you say to help.

[/quote]

Well gee, I hate to be a Gloomy Gloria, Blues, but are you really trying to help the situation or are you just arguing for the sake of arguing?
Remember that a friend on the board needs advice and help, let's concentrate on that instead.

Re: What do I do - Blues - 05-10-2009

(05-10-2009, 09:27 AM)rumsfald link Wrote: [quote author=Blues link=topic=2831.msg81672#msg81672 date=1241948121]
You, and probably even he, do not know the full extent of the argument on both sides. Just because one person can calmly express an opinion and another is a heated person does not make ANY difference as to whether either of them is wrong or not.
Let's look at what Sponson told us.
(05-08-2009, 04:39 AM)Spawn son link Wrote: What the hell do I do. I just stayed up from 1.30am to 6 so my dad wouldn't hurt her/destroy things.

I don't consider that a description of a "heated person," I consider that behavior to be over the line.

(05-10-2009, 04:35 AM)Blues link Wrote: The only things you should be concerned about are if violence actually occurs, or if things do not begin to resolve themselves eventually.

Sigh. The CDC has a whole division on Violence Prevention, for, you know, preventing violence before it actually occurs.
Quote:Intimate partner violence (IPV) is abuse that occurs between two people in a close relationship. The term “intimate partner” includes current and former spouses and dating partners. IPV exists along a continuum from a single episode of violence to ongoing battering....How can we prevent IPV? The goal is to stop IPV before it begins.
[/quote]
He stayed up because he was worried about violence that never occured. If he had been throwing shit AT someone, the story would be different. Ironically, half the "help" in this thread is focused on that and doing nothing but making it seem more relevant than it is.

Since there's been no further input from him about violence, we can probably assume that either it did not escalate, or I'm completely fuckwrong and his dad shot everybody. I'm banking on the idea that things are calming down though, or he'd probably have wanted to talk to us more about the subject.

Also, BRBU is not IPV, and shouldn't be giving any advice on that subject other than "make sure it doesn't seem to be getting worse." If he really feels there is an issue, he needs to contact them, but that's a long shot from throwing shit and yelling, which half the male populus does for things far less signficant than monetary issues.

This part deleted for being over the line, PM me if you have a problem with this.

-Surf

Re: What do I do - Dave - 05-10-2009

Calm down, let blues respond, then rethink this post

-Surf

hey fuck you blues, you know full well your not perfect, you spend your time on here picking fights with people in the limtied subjects you have a specialised knowledge in, I dont think you had any right to bring her person shit into this, reguardless.

man up and appologise.

Re: What do I do - Blues - 05-10-2009

Calm down then rethink this post

-Surf

I didn't bring anyone's personal shit into it, she chose to tell us a sob story that held no relevance, and I despise people who think that is an appropriate debate mechanic.

Re: What do I do - Dave - 05-10-2009

In before surf, check your PMs blues.

Re: What do I do - Sponson - 05-10-2009

Blues is 100% right about this. Can we shut this thread down now?

Half the people telling me to run away and hide makes me angry inside.

Re: What do I do - Surf314 - 05-10-2009

(05-10-2009, 12:53 PM)Spawn son link Wrote: Blues is 100% right about this. Can we shut this thread down now?

Half the people telling me to run away and hide makes me angry inside.

You can lock threads you start, it doesn't take an admin.

Re: What do I do - Sponson - 05-10-2009

Oh hey would you look at thalocked.