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+--- Thread: My Journal Entries from My Trip! (/showthread.php?tid=10171)
My Journal Entries from My Trip! - SBCrystal - 06-20-2009
I'm not sure if anyone is interested in reading about my trip. It's mostly about me being a dirty hippie, so...yeah. Any feedback would be appreciated.
Um, I also write pretty candidly, so...also...consider this a disclaimer. I think there are a few sentences that don't exactly work, and I kept changing tenses too. Blarg.
I'll post a bit and if people like what I've written then I'll post more.
June 8, 2009 1:10 a.m.
Everything needs to be illuminated. There is this hope that leaving this new place I am forced to call home will yield some sort of answer.
I cannot sleep, but for once, not out of grief; I am excited.
We go out of spontaneity and perhaps out of the delusion that somewhere out west there are what we all crave: answers.
For myself, I need the opportunity to be independent again; I need to find some semblance of self.
I am lost and broken and yet I am the best thing I can be and that is free.
So much is riding on this trip -- perhaps questions I didn't know I was asking until I find the answers.
I don't even know what I hope to get out of this but I get the feeling that it is going to be spiritual somehow.
___________ haunts my thoughts and dreams. I doubt myself and question my motives and decisions but I think a lot of the doubt is a type of unconscious conditioning.
I reach for the gods and goddesses of nature and nurture; and the psychics to save this broken and lost girl. Please give me answers, fix me and send my life direction.
June 8, 2009 11:45 a.m.
The air is palpable with excitement. I think, as we wait to get out of the city, that we have airs of mania and lethargy. We are just anxious to leave.
Liz needs to get her immunization for her India trip.
Apparently, I need to get rocks in Vancouver -- to find the rock whose metaphysical traits are going to help me with life. I'm not sure if I believe this, but the people around me believe and that seems to be enough for me.
When we ate breakfast I proposed a toast: to friendship and finding our paths illuminated once again.
Apparently this trip is about me, or at least one-third.
Liz's family is psychic and her aunt knows that I'm coming and might have something to tell me. We've never met, but Liz phoned her and told her that she, Luin and Crystal were on our way and she said, "Ah, Crystal is coming", like she knows somehow.
June 8, 2009 7:08 p.m.
We've been on the road since 2:00 p.m.
We were tired from waiting so long at Liz's doctor. I felt like the trip was off to a bad start; but as soon as we hit the highway we began to act with excitement. Laughter and stupidity abound!
We made it to Souris to see my mum. She kept repeating "You girls are going to have so much fun", I hope she's right.
Then we eat ice cream at Al's, my treat.
Luin's parents make us dinner in exchange for fixing their laptop. I fall in love with their cat, Squarey, who clings to me like a baby when I hold her. I think of how much I want a cat. The cat turns into a lover, then a baby. I am pathetic. My Elles (Liz and Liz [Luin]) would slap me for being down on myself but it's true that I am being silly. One thing at a time. I take a bite from the ripe red apple but I crave the entire orchard.
When we drive on the Number 1 highway we are on familiar terrain. How many times have I been here with him, to go to the place I considered my second home? When we pass the sign I give it the finger but I know I'm just acting on false bravado -- The Elles know it too, I'm sure.
We go past the turn off and I am reminded of what the trip is: leaving the past behind and emerging a new beginning.
I have been yearning for him in my bed, my arms, my heart. At the same time, I seek prospects who are gentle and sweet. But what if I don't deserve gentle and sweet?
This two week self-imposed celibacy is killing me.
I crave another naked body between the sheets: limbs entwined , sweaty, raw -- I want to see desire and devotion in their eyes while I cry out their name and clutch sheets and skin raw and red.
I almost want to find some random hippie with sinewy muscles out here; the smell of earth and sweat. Not my type but I don't want my type right now. I want to be embraced by wrongness so as not to fall in love again -- not yet.
7:41 p.m.
We met a gas station philosopher. Slow, nonsensical. Is it a sign when he says that people who suffer appreciate life and jerks go through life without appreciation?
It seems profound, especially when he has trouble counting the change I give him for my energy drink.
He also tells us that people who sleep more live longer. If that is true I'll make it past Noah. On the road, I won't have the excuses to stay in bed all day. I have the most beautiful dreams, though, when I'm safely wrapped up in layers of protective blankets. Safe, warm, cocooned. Ugh, insert sappy butterfly metaphor dripping with cliche here, please.
June 9, 2009 6:25 a.m. Saskatoon
Currently at some place for breakfast -- the only one open at 6:00 a.m.
We stayed at Blackstrap Provincial Park. We got there at 11:00 p.m. and got no sleep because it was bloody freezing. Also we came across a freaky town before the park; one of the restaurants had this wood cutout of a man, painted black with red reflectors for eyes. It scared the shit out of Liz and I, so much so that we stopped to take pictures with the resounding echoes of "What the fuck?".
Are the owners cannibals? Or just retarded? Luin suggests retarded cannibals. Seriously, though, who would expect that would attract anyone to eat there? The sign advertises the best homemade burgers in Saskatchewan -- what is their secret? See why it's such a mystery?
Saskatchewan is such a stupid province. Actually, it's not but it's great to make fun of.
Apparently, the province is too poor to afford reflective signs so finding the park was difficult. We ended up putting a hasty tent up and got about two hours of sleep. I kept thinking that moose were grazing in our campsite because there were large moose tracks on the ground before we put the tent up. The campground was pretty empty and we didn't see a living soul there the whole time. There were RVs but NO vehicles. I made up a story about how the cannibals from the town before kidnapped their victims in this abandoned park.
The morning was so cold we could barely move.I guess I should be thankful that a moose didn't attack us and the cannibals didn't kidnap us to put in their best homemade burgers.
Breakfast has been awesome. Liz belched twice, super loud, and kind of forgot that there were other people in there besides us. Farmers turned to laugh at her. We were definitely the outcasts in that place.
June 10, 2009 10:10 a.m.
Yesterday we spent a few hours at the West Edmonton Mall. Consumerism at its finest.
Here is my favourite story from there:
Luin wanted a journal so we went to Chapters. She couldn't make up her mind and I had to fart SO BAD. While she was talking about all the different kinds there were and how she didn't like any of them I looked at her with the most stupid look. Keeping said stupid look I let out that fart that had been brewing right in the middle of her sentence. Only it wasn't one of those farts that's over quick, oh no, this one lasted a long time and the whole time I just kept this stupid look on my face. I didn't even flinch. After, we just exploded with laughter and tried to talk away but the smell followed us.
Then Luin let out a huge fart too but she said something after that I won't write down. It made me beam at her with affection. Basically, it just reminded me why I love her so much.
WEM was a good experience but I'm in no hurry to ever go back -- it's too constructed, too capitalistic.
That night we met Jackie at this awesome, laid back pub called The Empress. I had this amazing white beer called something like "Casa de Chambley" (Later I find out it's called Blanche de Chambley) but I'm totally not sure. It was the most amazing beer I've EVER tasted. I hope I can get it back in Manitoba.
Jackie looked so amazing and beautiful. When I saw her, I hugged her for a long time and teared up. I didn't know how much I missed her until that exact moment.
And, of course, we were all in hysterics as we talked about ass crack hair, ass zits/cysts, etc. I also got her up to speed on all my stories: Derek and I, my physical, horrible stories about my experiences with the male persuasion.
I'm pretty happy knowing that she's coming to Winnipeg for a visit in a month or two.
2:18 p.m.
Last night I had a horrible dream about __________. I wanted to be his friend and he got fired so I tried to give him support. Apparently, though, he had started seeing this new girl who was jealous of me and so he said we couldn't be friends because of it. I remember being very sad.
I also had a dream where this beautiful woman married a king in this strange society and her daughter from a different marriage was spoiled and lost in life. Then the king's son comes back from somewhere and the daughter and him somehow fall in love. I wish I remembered more because it was really scenic and beautiful.
At about 2:00 p.m. we make it to Lac du Ste Anne (or The Grandmother Lake as it was called by the Cree before the whites and Catholics colonized it).
The air was fresh at the pilgrimage site and it was also strangely quiet. I poked a lot of fun at how touristy the religious Christians had made it: statues, stupid murals of Jesus's trials and tribulations (which certainly didn't happen in Alberta so I don't know why they needed them). I wanted to send myself back to the time when the lake was used by the Natives to heal and cleanse the soul.
At first, I hiked up my dress and waded out a bit but then Liz and I stripped down to our underwear and swam out. The lake's water was cool and inviting; clear as crystal. I asked Liz to watch me as I "baptized" myself. I suppose it would be me looking for guidance from a crone-like figure, blessing myself in The Grandmother.
I thought about what a grandmother is to me: someone who is wise, comforting, has stories both comedic and tragic, nurtures. I asked for wisdom on my journey and dunked my head under the water and I have the feeling that The Grandmother listened.
We collected water and rocks from the lake in jars from Ikea (how funny). The field before the lake was sprinkled yellow and white with dandelions and fairy rings -- so apt, so perfect.
I have been feeling refreshed since then, and overcome with a feeling of calm.
Earlier, still in Edmonton, we went to Ikea. On the way there we were driving beside this SUV full of older men (mid 30s-mid 40s). The passenger stared at us so I have him the Vulcan hand sign. Well, the SUV kept pace with us and the passenger guy kept flashing ME the Vulcan sign -- so I laughed at was cheerful. However, then he flashed me a symbol for cunnilingus, complete with tongue action. He looked like such a pervert. I don't know what to think about that.
Re: My Journal Entries from My Trip! - rumsfald - 06-20-2009
What is your opinion on the Vulcan sign for cunnilingus?
Re: My Journal Entries from My Trip! - Radio Raheem - 06-20-2009
everything is illuminated with elijah wood and some ugly eastern european people was a pretty good movie
Re: My Journal Entries from My Trip! - SBCrystal - 06-20-2009
(06-20-2009, 05:41 PM)rumsfald link Wrote: What is your opinion on the Vulcan sign for cunnilingus?
Yeah, that would have been way hotter. But seriously, the creep factor was -- blech.
(06-20-2009, 05:44 PM)Radio Raheem link Wrote: everything is illuminated with elijah wood and some ugly eastern european people was a pretty good movie
I don't think I ever saw that movie. I did, however, have a huge crush on Elijah Wood when I was younger.
Re: My Journal Entries from My Trip! - rumsfald - 06-20-2009
Also, emo journal sounds like you need
http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/189726/october-30-2008/exclusive-wilco-song
Are you under the impression,
This isn't your life,
Do you dabble in depression,
Is someone twisting a knife in your back,
Are you being attacked,
Oh, this is a fact,
That you need to know,
Oh, oh, oh, oh Wilco,
Wilco,
Wilco will love you Baby,
Are times getting tough,
Are the roads you travel rough,
Have you had enough of the old,
Tired of being exposed to the cold,
The stare of your stereo,
Put on your headphones,
Before you're exposed,
Oh, oh, oh oh, Wilco, Wilco,
Wilco will love you baby,
So many wars that just can't be won,
Even before the battle's begun,
This is a man with arms open wide,
A sonic shoulder for you to cry,
ay, ay, ay, on, Wilco,
Wilco will love you baby,
Someone twisting a knife in your back,
Are you being attacked,
Oh this is a fact,
That you need to know,
Oh, oh, oh, oh Wilco,
Wilco,
Wilco,
Wilco,
Wilco will love you Baby
This isn't your life,
Do you dabble in depression,
Is someone twisting a knife in your back,
Are you being attacked,
Oh, this is a fact,
That you need to know,
Oh, oh, oh, oh Wilco,
Wilco,
Wilco will love you Baby,
Are times getting tough,
Are the roads you travel rough,
Have you had enough of the old,
Tired of being exposed to the cold,
The stare of your stereo,
Put on your headphones,
Before you're exposed,
Oh, oh, oh oh, Wilco, Wilco,
Wilco will love you baby,
So many wars that just can't be won,
Even before the battle's begun,
This is a man with arms open wide,
A sonic shoulder for you to cry,
ay, ay, ay, on, Wilco,
Wilco will love you baby,
Someone twisting a knife in your back,
Are you being attacked,
Oh this is a fact,
That you need to know,
Oh, oh, oh, oh Wilco,
Wilco,
Wilco,
Wilco,
Wilco will love you Baby
New Wilco album in 10 days. http://www.amazon.com/Wilco-Album/dp/B0029358GM/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=music&qid=1245538975&sr=8-1
Re: My Journal Entries from My Trip! - cbre88x - 06-21-2009
Interesting.
Re: My Journal Entries from My Trip! - SBCrystal - 06-21-2009
"Luin wanted a journal so we went to Chapters. She couldn't make up her mind and I had to fart SO BAD. While she was talking about all the different kinds there were and how she didn't like any of them I looked at her with the most stupid look. Keeping said stupid look I let out that fart that had been brewing right in the middle of her sentence. Only it wasn't one of those farts that's over quick, oh no, this one lasted a long time and the whole time I just kept this stupid look on my face. I didn't even flinch. After, we just exploded with laughter and tried to talk away but the smell followed us."
That is not emo.
This is emo:
O! Darkness,
My life is a dark hole
I cut my wrists
Not even My Chemical Romance
Can take this pain away!
"Yesterday we went and ate Chinese food for dinner. We farted and burped a lot since we were the only ones in there.
Luin: How do they get the beef so tender?
Liz and I: ???
CUE: Sound of a baby crying in the kitchen
CUE: Lulz.
My fortune cookie said: 'An enjoyable vacation is awaiting you near the mountains' - creepy."
That's definitely not emo...But fuck, that was super funny. It was just so timed. Then the mother brought the baby out and laid her on a table and we were like "See, she's marinating that tender baby meat!" And then they went back into the kitchen and the baby started WAILING and Luin (I think) said "So THAT'S what boiling baby sounds like."
"On the ferry again. I could travel on it every day and never get tired of it. Maybe if I move to B.C. I could get a job on the ferries! That's an idea. This ferry had the very best thing I could ask for, Fenris. I know it was silly of me to want a real wolf puppy, so I got a stuffed one instead! I love him. I know, I'm 25 years old, a woman, and all that...but I want a stuffed animal to cuddle. He is very soft and easy to snuggle!"
This isn't emo. Pathetic, but not emo.
So I'd say I'm quite candid, but my wrists are clean of scars and I rarely wear black and...I don't listen to My Chemical Romance or Dashboard Confessional!
Mostly I had a lot of writings about the mountains and the things we did there.Re: My Journal Entries from My Trip! - Surf314 - 06-21-2009
![[Image: 299000347_d62adc2956.jpg]](http://farm1.static.flickr.com/122/299000347_d62adc2956.jpg)
Re: My Journal Entries from My Trip! - rumsfald - 06-21-2009
In recent years the popular media have associated emo with a stereotype that includes being emotional, sensitive, shy, introverted, or angst-ridden.
(06-20-2009, 04:41 PM)SBCrystal link Wrote: For myself, I need the opportunity to be independent again; I need to find some semblance of self.
I am lost and broken and yet I am the best thing I can be and that is free.
I don't even know what I hope to get out of this but I get the feeling that it is going to be spiritual somehow.
___________ haunts my thoughts and dreams. I doubt myself and question my motives and decisions but I think a lot of the doubt is a type of unconscious conditioning.
I reach for the gods and goddesses of nature and nurture; and the psychics to save this broken and lost girl. Please give me answers, fix me and send my life direction.
....
When we drive on the Number 1 highway we are on familiar terrain. How many times have I been here with him, to go to the place I considered my second home? When we pass the sign I give it the finger but I know I'm just acting on false bravado --
I'd describe this section (and there are others, but I won't belabor the point) as candidly emotional, sensitive, somewhat introverted, and definitely angst-ridden. I'm not saying that in a judgmental way, but this is not all flowers and sunshine and sex/drugs/rockNroll like I expected when you said this was a DFH journal.
Re: My Journal Entries from My Trip! - SBCrystal - 06-21-2009
Well, the whole trip was sort of supposed to be a rite of passage, of sorts.
But this was also just the first few pages of my trip and I think that with the more adventures we had, the more the whole tone of my writing changed.
And I definitely wouldn't say I'm angst-ridden...at all...
But I dig what you're saying.
And I would hate for any writing to be flowers and sunshine. Anyway, thanks for the feedback.
Re: My Journal Entries from My Trip! - Kor - 06-22-2009
Thanks for the personal insights Crystal. Take it from one to another who seeks the path; the time it takes to recognize the singular moment of self-realization is to be cherished as a part of it, and may not be what's expected or desired.