Every single Keith story from The Passing DLC

[Live-Free-Or-Pie]

SPOILERS and Such...

Disclaimer: I typed these all by my lonesome! Give me credit if you're reusing them on a website! livefreeorpie@gmail.com

Not listed as Keith Stories:

.5) Ah, Ro. man that reminds me of the ti... (cutoff)

.75a) "Oh dude! that reminds me of that time my buddy Ketih, he went on a diet on account of what the doctor sayin he had to go on a diet or he'd die, so they told him he could drink nothin but them little diet shakes, but those are like five bucks a can man and Keith is like "Well I aint' gunna..."

.75b)"Ah no man, he gained like 30 pounds but he did invent a shitload of tasty drinks, I was always kinda partial to the Keith Kiwi Kamakazi"

Actual Keith Stories:

1) "This one my buddy Keith, on a dare got a Tatoo, 'I'M A MORON,' right across his forehead, man! Course he made 200 bucks off that, so you ask yourself, who's the REAL moron?"

2) "This one time, my buddy Keith started up a historic tour, on account of him Mom took him to Colonial Williamsburg, and it's like a license to print money at them places"

2a) "Now you might ask yourself how an honest attempt to recreate colonial times turned into raccoon fights at five bucks a pop in Keith's back yard, ha ha, man the answer to that particular question is that Keith is sharing a room with his two brothers and them being assholes who wouldn't let them do it anywhere in the front yard, well add that to Keith didn't technically have any history to put on display, but he did have the family of raccoons living in the chassis of an old car and you'd begin to understand"

3) "Yo my buddy Keith had his car drop in a lake off a bridge just like this one here... Yeah see he was driving over it late at night and there over the bridge was was looked like, In Keith's estimation, a dead bear, so Keith gets out of his car to find a stick to poke at it right?"

3b) "Well it turns out, it's just some lady's fur coat that musta fallen out her car, so hey, free coat right? Now, owl's won't normally attack a man, but in this case they were hungry, and that made them reckless man, Keith reckons that they musta been there for hours watchin what they thought was a bear carcass, cause as soon as he picked it up, man, them owls had their claws in him inch deep"

3c) "Well, Keith figures his best bet is to jump in a lake, cause owls can't swim. Well, them owls could. Keith fought them for like 20 minutes treading water, and during that time the bridge went up and down went Keith's car. Man, sometimes nature's just tryin to teach us, if we'd only listen

4) "I ever tell you about the time Keith made Sushi? Yeah his mom took him to a sushi place for his birthday and he didn't want to go, and it turned out he LOVED it, man. But it's like 10 bucks a su-sho in one of them places, so Keith figures hey, how hard can it be to roll up some raw food in seaweed right?  As it turns out, It's hard. Now, they say that experience is the best teacher, and experience taught Keith that if you ever eat three pounds of raw chicken, it kills you. Now luckily, Keith's brain went into self-defense mode and started shutting organs down to head the chicken off at the pass, and the doctors were able to get 'em out before his heart stopped. But to this day, Keith has no sensation in his right foot and he don't recognize his own brother Paul no more."

5) "Hey ya'll, yeah I like this bridge you got. You know, this reminds me the my buddy Keith and I were once on a bridge just like this man. Well, I mean kinda, I mean I was on the bridge and Keith thought he could jump the river without the bridge, so I raised the bridge, and well... Did you know cars can float? I mean, for a little while at least..."

6v1) "I ever tell you about the time my buddy Keith got married? Course not... that's a trick question. He never got married. You ever hear about those runaway brides right? Well, Keith was a runaway groom. and on his wedding day... it all started when..."

6v2) "I ever tell you about the time my buddy Keith got married? Course not... that's a trick question. Cause he never did get married. You know you always about them runaway brides? Well Keith, he was a runaway groom and on his wedding day... yep, it all started when he..."

Disclaimer: I typed these all by my lonesome! Give me credit if you're reusing them on a website! livefreeorpie@gmail.com

7) "I ever tell you about the time my buddy Keith snuck into a wedding? He thought he was being smart getting all dressed up and like.. but it seems the preacher wasn't there and they thought he was the preacher and well, he married them the best he could, I think thqt counts for them being married but, I dunno maybe not. I think they names one of their..."

"Community Stories"

??) "I ever tell you about the time my buddy Ketih said he was picked up by some little green men and then..."

??) "I ever tell you about the time my buddy Keith wanted to know what it would be like in a snowstorm, see, he ain't ever seen real snow, only snow we get is from the ice we see at the rink, so he just figured he make do with the machine when it went to dump its load, see he'd just lay under it, man, it took us two hours to dig him out, yup, lost two fingers and a thumb to frostbite"

??) "Man I don't know. Keith made a bolder trap just like this... it did not end well"

??) "Man, I don't ever think Keith's been to a Prison this bad"

Disclaimer: I typed these all by my lonesome! Give me credit if you're reusing them on a website! livefreeorpie@gmail.com