So I just bought my first dildo

[Surf314]

This conversation has taken a turn for the weird.  I think I'm not going to check this thread for a while.

[ainmosni]

This conversation has taken a turn for the weird.  I think I'm not going to check this thread for a while.

I think it's hilarious... it's one of those 'wtf' threads...

[CaffeinePowered]

All this talk has reminded me of Tucker Max's first foray into anal sex.

I was gonna say Mr. Grey should check that out if he has never seen it

[Surf314]

OK I lied anyways I was drinking with my friend one time and he told me this story.  He was like this guy told me this story and I promised not to tell anyone but you don't know him and its too funny to keep to myself.  So yea this guy met this chick he really liked but she was a freak and sort of made it clear that she wouldn't be so interested in him if he wasn't willing to do all this crazy stuff as well.  So he was all like trying to act like he was totally into the stuff too.  And then I guess she was trying to act like she was more experienced than she was after his enthusiasm.  So basically it came down to anal beads.  And the short of it is she yanked them out not knowing better.  And the consequences of that were quite messy.  But he said they were still together.  But man that's got to be awkward for a first sexual experience.  I guess if you can get through that you can get through anything.

[HuckBerryGee]

**WARNING** THE FOLLOWING STORY IS _NOT_ FOR THE FAINT OF HEART **EXPLICIT MATERIAL**


True Story:

I have never been a fan of anal sex.. (not me you idiots, performing it on women) I think it is vile and degrading.  Anyway, my ex constantly bugged me to do it, so i finally gave in and indulged her.  This would be the first and last time I ever did this mind you.  I'm doing my business and suddenly i feel something on my pulsating hammer of doom (penis), air maybe? so i continue and she suddenly grabs my hand and gasps.. so i say "whats up whore you know we are over after this right? but whats wrong anyway skank?" she screams "OH MY GOD MOOOOVEE" i pull out and strafe to the side and i swear to christ this disgusting slag of a woman farts and shits all over my wall.. it looked like a whale spout.. sounded like one too.. it hit the wall like someone shot taco meat out of a bazooka.  I stood there for 10 seconds in complete shock, it was like when cartman first saw the thompson family and blew a funny fuse.. i ran out of the room and called my friend immediately on the phone.. i laughed so hard i pissed all over myself and nearly shit my pants.  I come back into the room after about 7 minutes and she is on her hands and knees scrubbing the wall with yellow engineer gloves on and a rag over her face muffling, "i am so sorry oh my god i am so embarrassed."  I waiting till she OXYCLEANED the ass pudding off my wall and then said these exact words, "well, now that all the shit is off my wall you can get the fuck out"  No explanation, I literally pushed her out of the door.  She called me a few months later for a "booty call" and I told her, "sorry I don't fuck Golgothans"   The End.

this should totally be part of your standup minus the golgothan part, makes it less casual

[copulatingduck]

[quote author=Radio Raheem link=topic=1467.msg40969#msg40969 date=1222242393]

[quote author=[fr31ns]Karrde link=topic=1467.msg40956#msg40956 date=1222232663]
Dildos = fuckwin.  Forth both sexes.  And if you're straight, quit being a bitch and enjoy it with a chick.  You can use them on eachother.

Its tough to follow that story and all but uhh isn't cramming things up your ass the definition of not straight?


[/quote]


No, it's not.  The definition would be engaging in sexual acts with someone of the same gender. 
[/quote]

Because it's only gay if it's a guy sticking fake penises in ur butt (what what?)  :p

j/k, I pretty much agree with everything wedge said, though I steer clear of butts more out of fear for something dreadfully unpleasant/embarassing happening whilst preoccupied with someone's pooper.

[CaffeinePowered]

but i poop from there (sfw actually, but you might want headphones)

[Versus]

NOT RAHT NAO YUH DON'T