The "Fuck my life" thread

[k0ala]

[quote author=k0ala link=topic=3709.msg223871#msg223871 date=1316791005]
My former co-worker died, on her motorcycle, yesterday. I'll be going to the old office to pay respects.

sucks to see a rider go.
[/quote]
I showed up in a black buttondown shirt, and blue jeans and leathers. I imagine it's the same way she'd have shown up if she got word about me.
Talked to a board member after the remembrance. He asked me how I'd been getting along since the layoff, and I told him. He said he'd see what he could do.

[rumsfald]

[quote author=rumsfald link=topic=3709.msg216525#msg216525 date=1311713038]
CROW: Touch it's eyes!

I don't have photoshop here, so I'll have to use the ole' standby... rehosted since HeK Adblocked it last time
[/quote]

even better: (sorry hek)

leandro granato pintura ocular eye's painting video oficial

[AMCZombine]

[quote author=LT Crow link=topic=3709.msg216577#msg216577 date=1311732462]
[quote author=rumsfald link=topic=3709.msg216525#msg216525 date=1311713038]
CROW: Touch it's eyes!

I don't have photoshop here, so I'll have to use the ole' standby... rehosted since HeK Adblocked it last time
[/quote]

even better: (sorry hek)

leandro granato pintura ocular eye's painting video oficial
[/quote]

Never let there be any doubt that art is in the eye of the beholder.

[AMCZombine]

I have a very bad living condition/lifestyle, but I am working to improve it.

I don't want to sound like a emo kid or drama whore talking about how bad my life has been to me and etc in the past long ago while I just try to get some background information.

I spent 18 years saving for college. I had a plan, a goal, knew what I was going to study and eventually try to do for a living, programming/graphical art. Its what I always enjoy doing, and planned to learn enough to make a living doing it.

When the time came to try to enroll in college I found out that the college fund belonging to my brother and I wasn't going to be split 50/50 like we heard/planned for/talked about for 18 years. It was going to be 100/0. I didn't have the same religious beliefs as the rest of my family, found out when I was 16 what its like to look my mother in the eye and realize there was no love there. and because of that I found myself in the streets of a city miles from anything I knew. This is because I was going to move in with a friend and get a job and start working to save up for college again the next day.

I don't know how long it took me from that situation to get a greyhound ticket, but here I am in a state across the country moving wood, chopping wood, loading wood into peoples trucks and wood wood wood for a meager living. I actually have a lot of free time from this, so I spent a couple years trying to get more money to improve life. Nothing ever worked because I wasn't social enough, which is important in the lower end jobs like walmart or any jobs. I couldn't go on like that, so now I'm paid to have Asperger's syndrome. I plan to use this money to slowly improve the quality of my life, till I can somehow start getting money for formal learning again.

So, I am waiting month by month till money comes with all the free time in the world. (If I get a job now, I don't get paid to have Asperger's, and it would be less money, and less reliable) When it does come I spend said money on things which, in addition to food, include the previous purchase of a chair which is comfortable, and the future purchase of a refrigerator which keeps bugs out, so I don't have to cover everything I actually want to eat later in tinfoil.

Life is very slowly getting better. I am however currently stuck in the situation where I sleep all day, and at night I have nothing to do. and shiver when I take anything out of the fridge. meh thats going to only be 9 days

I know a lot of people would kill to be paid to do nothing but this is in a state across the country from anything I ever knew, and 2 years later I still don't know anyone here in this state but like 5 people, nor do I intend to. 

I still feel like I should be a lot more productive in making life better though, but heres too slow but steady improvements

EDIT:

I originally deleted this because it felt like admitting I was a loser, Like it should be more properly read as "I'm a poor asocial loser with no friends who gets payed for it. Like I'll lose all my friends for admitting it.

I'm trying to fix my life but its hard, confusing and takes a long damn time I had a life a nice life, I had friends I still had aspergers, a social disorder but I was working to get over it, meet people have friends etc. We were all happy about how it seemed to have almost gone away. I had goals, I had plans to meet those goals. I had no idea in one day it could all be shattered. Because my single mother believed a separate religious philosophy.

My mind, heart and soul shattered and I died inside. And went from almost got over social issues to times infinity.

By god it hurts, so much. It's been 2 years and I feel incredible shame I haven't gotten over it yet, that involves letting it all out, but 18 years climaxed like that. Thinking about it makes me breathe funny, my heart hurts physically, I have a headache, and that's just the surface.

There's no human way to release 18 years climaxed like that in a short amount of time.

I honestly don't know if this is too much information, whining, or what I need to say so I can get to know people.

Its working though, I used to literally have no place to sleep, now, I get money every month.

I'm going to keep working on this whole "getting money for college or something" thing and get a better life. But sometimes my heart physically hurts so much I nearly collapse.


My god that felt good to say.. To finally get part of it off my chest since I locked it away in glendale, chainsmoking as an escape.

[A. Crow]

one of the LTs i went to training with, who was here on the same FOB (which is pretty cool by the way, to run actual missions with guys you came up with), is in Germany after getting blown the fuck up.  I assume he's pretty ok, since he's posting on facebook, though, so that's good.

[Goffin]

GTFO of there crow!

[rumsfald]

that sucks, LT. hope otherLT recovers well.

[AMCZombine]

one of the LTs i went to training with, who was here on the same FOB (which is pretty cool by the way, to run actual missions with guys you came up with), is in Germany after getting blown the fuck up.  I assume he's pretty ok, since he's posting on facebook, though, so that's good.

I sincerely hope it all gets better.

[k0ala]

I have a very bad living condition/lifestyle, but I am working to improve it.

Yeah, the only "losers" are the ones who refuse to learn from their mistakes.

[Dr. Zaius]

[quote author=AMCZombine link=topic=3709.msg223978#msg223978 date=1316869414]
I have a very bad living condition/lifestyle, but I am working to improve it.

Yeah, the only "losers" are the ones who refuse to learn from their mistakes.
[/quote]

And as long as you're doing something to improve it, and not just let it be. That's  more than some people are willing to do.

[AMCZombine]

[quote author=k0ala link=topic=3709.msg223992#msg223992 date=1316881870]
[quote author=AMCZombine link=topic=3709.msg223978#msg223978 date=1316869414]
I have a very bad living condition/lifestyle, but I am working to improve it.

Yeah, the only "losers" are the ones who refuse to learn from their mistakes.
[/quote]

And as long as you're doing something to improve it, and not just let it be. That's  more than some people are willing to do.
[/quote]

It feels really weird for "make life better" to currently the be the same thing as "Kill time for 9 days"

[Didzo]

I don't know how this will go.  :-\

[AMCZombine]

I don't know how this will go.  :-\

Whatever it is, I hope it goes well, and you can handle it.

[Didzo]

[quote author=Didzo link=topic=3709.msg224125#msg224125 date=1316939675]
I don't know how this will go.  :-\

Whatever it is, I hope it goes well, and you can handle it.
[/quote]

I lied. I knew how it would go and it went that way. Boo.

[Eschatos]

Spent about 3 hours trying to get Borderlands co-op working with friends, but no luck due to shitty school internet not allowing port forwarding or Hamachi.

[Versus]

i think not playing borderlands would go in improved day thread

[Dtrain323i]

Was at friends house watching Bears game. Bears lose and we go home. As were leaving the neighbor is outside with his fuck trophy. Neighbor tells me that said fuck trophy has been throwing rocks at my car. I get home and look at the paint and sure enough, the are 3 nice chips in the paint. I am ready to murder this infant.

[[SiN] Merc]

Was at friends house watching Bears game. Bears lose and we go home. As were leaving the neighbor is outside with his fuck trophy. Neighbor tells me that said fuck trophy has been throwing rocks at my car. I get home and look at the paint and sure enough, the are 3 nice chips in the paint. I am ready to murder this infant.

Misunderstood at first. Thought "fuck trophy" meant "attractive ditz wife." Made the sentence funnier.

[Dr. Zaius]

Merc link=topic=3709.msg224243#msg224243 date=1316999327]
[quote author=Dtrain323i link=topic=3709.msg224212#msg224212 date=1316997014]
Was at friends house watching Bears game. Bears lose and we go home. As were leaving the neighbor is outside with his fuck trophy. Neighbor tells me that said fuck trophy has been throwing rocks at my car. I get home and look at the paint and sure enough, the are 3 nice chips in the paint. I am ready to murder this infant.

Misunderstood at first. Thought "fuck trophy" meant "attractive ditz wife." Made the sentence funnier.
[/quote]

[kaese]

Merc link=topic=3709.msg224243#msg224243 date=1316999327]
[quote author=Dtrain323i link=topic=3709.msg224212#msg224212 date=1316997014]
Was at friends house watching Bears game. Bears lose and we go home. As were leaving the neighbor is outside with his fuck trophy. Neighbor tells me that said fuck trophy has been throwing rocks at my car. I get home and look at the paint and sure enough, the are 3 nice chips in the paint. I am ready to murder this infant.

Misunderstood at first. Thought "fuck trophy" meant "attractive ditz wife." Made the sentence funnier.
[/quote]


As we say in ultimate frisbee,
We're gonna huck, bid, pillage, and burn. Eat the babies.