Limerick Thread

[Fail Medic]

yay ok


THE SCOUT
(horrible "The Raven" rewrite)

Once upon a 2fort dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a journal of details and theory,
While I nodded, almost zonking, suddenly there came a bonking,
As of someone honky-tonking near my abode so dear.
"It's some dang fool," I grumbled, "wantin' my beer.
No luck," I lied, "I'm fresh out, I fear."

Ah, distinctly I remember it was the bleak of Jan'uary.
We had absconded the gloomy garrison of Granary.
Eagerly I wished to rtv - I was so close to losing sanity
From the capping of points so far and near,
The tides of battle following patterns so queer,
And the echoes of death cries still clearly I hear.

And the rustling of blueprints from some unfelt wind
Irked me - filled me with ire to pierce fog of beer;
So that now, to still the anger of my heart, I stood repeating
"It's some plum idjit wantin' to get up in here -
Some drunk-ass dummy wantin' to get up in here -
Oh Who cares.  I'm stayin' and sittin' riiiight here."

I called to the door with voice so perturbed, so very peeved and quite so disturbed,
"Sir," said I, "Or Ma'am, get on up outta here.
I was just about zonked, but you came up and bonked,
Rather hard you came bonking, so loud up in here,
And dag nabbit you woke me," - then I opened the door to here;
Darkness there; nobody, I fear.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
That slit'ring snake of spy who came here to peer
But no decloaking was heard, my ears caught not a word
Until I called to my brethern, "Spy creepin' 'round here."
This I intoned, and an odd accent replied, "Yeah, there's a spy ovah hea!"
The chilling response was issued so near!

Back into my workshop turning, all my Texan fury burning,
Again came the bonking to bother my ear.
"I betcha," said I, "there's somethin' by that window of mine!
2 o'clock in the dang mornin', I swear
I better find a whole lot of nothin' out there
It better be the dang wind that I hear!"

Open here I raised the glass, when with barely a breeze from its quick pass
In there ran a punk of a Scout with headset on ear.
Havin' no courtesy, no hi-diddle-dee,
That upstart jumped - double-jumped to a perch
With nary a pause and no hint of a lurch
To the top of the fridge that held my dear beer.

This done just about drove me to violence,
that sassy grin stuck on his face like a sneer,
"You get your dang shoes off my fridge, Mr. Scout!
What, that headphone deafened your left and right ear?
What the hell are you doin', comin' in here?"
Quoth the Scout, "Need a dispensah hea'."

Much I marvelled at this no-college dropout
Thinkin' he knew what was desparately needed 'round here.
I cannot help thinkin' that this ruf'ian's been drinkin'
To enter my room with that dang thing on ear,
Listenin' to who knows what, surely not "Tear in my Beer",
Tellin' me that we need a dispenser here!

But the Scout, crouching upon my fridge, spoke only,
That one phrase, as if he was dropped on his head as a kid, I fear.
Nothing further would he say; to me, respect he'd not pay,
Till I scarcely more than muttered "Please get outta here."
You heard me?  It's late!  I said get outta here!"
Then the Scout said, "Need a dispensah hea'."

Taken aback by reply that proved his brain was verily dry
"I think," said I, "your Mom should've held you back a year.
Manners, you've none, all you do is have fun
And run, run, run, to places there and near.
No, son, you're wrong, there's no need, my dumb peer.
I ain't gonna, you son of'a -- ...set a dispenser here."

The Scout still stirred my soul to a rage,
Straight I wheeled my chair to this monkey loitering here;
There, upon the cushioned seat, I stared at him for just a beat
Wondering how in this world of wonders so vast
That a dang yankee imbecile would chap my sore ass
by stating, "Need a dispensah hea'."

"That's it," said I, "I've had it with you!  Scout, Spy or fool, away be with you!
By God in Heaven above, by Ms. Overlord we revere,
Have you signed orders as such or commands so clear?
Have you reason for waste and building with haste?
There's no call for a dispenser in here to be placed!
Quoth the Scout, "Need a dispensah hea'."

"Be that word our sign of parting, Scout or devil!"  I hollered upstarting -
"Get your ass back to bed and get out of here!
Stop waving your bat 'round my stuff that is fragile!
Get off my fridge or I'll tan your rear!
I'm finished with you, take your ass out of here!!"
Quoth the Scout, "Need a dispensah hea'."

And the Scout, never jumping, double-jumping, still is humping
The top of my fridge near the door in here.
And his eyes have all the seeming of a griefer still scheming,
And the lamp light casts wavering shadows of his gear,
And my broken soul beneath those shadows dancing in here
Wonders if he truly wanted a dispenser in here.

[Versus]

WIN.

[Kor]

WIN.

Fucking bravo Fail, great stuff.

Also Rummy, you need to finish that up, at least another few verses, its great stuff <3

[Eschatos]

Current events:

New achievements and weapons came this tuesday
Caff hates them and calls them gay
When the server updated
They made his codes breakened
And now he's too sad to play.


Crappy, I know.  That's what you get for spur of the moment.

[Fail Medic]

There once was an update from Steam
Whose release notes made b-r-b's beam.
But the medics where whoring
Achievements for scoring
So Caff burned dead 'midst his team.

[DrkAdonis]

There once was an update from Steam
Whose release notes made b-r-b's beam.
But the medics where whoring
Achievements for scoring
So Caff burned dead 'midst his team.

So effing true.

[fyre]

This needs a necro.

Young man (name of Louis) dripping red
From fighting off hordes of undead
His friend (name of Bill)
Said here are some pills
And now let me tuck you in bed

[rumsfald]

Zoey was the last girl alive
She'd need lovin' for humans to survive
But Bill had no Viagra Pill
And Francis was hot for Bill
So that left Louis to lay on the jive

So Louis approached the girl who was young
And said, "Here, help me reload my gun."
He whipped out his large black cock
But it was Louis who got the shock
When she said, "I'd rather ride the Smoker's tongue."

EDIT: Don't ask my why I bothered to edit this to appease someone who's attempt to spell rhythm is a fucking abomination.

[Dave]

Zoey was the last girl alive
She'd need some lovin' for humanity to survive
But Bill had no Viagra Pill
And Francis was hot for Bill
So that left Louis to lay on the jive

So Louis approached the girl who was young
And said, "Here, help me reload my gun."
He whipped out his large black cock
But it was Louis who got the shock
When Zoey said, "You've got nothing on the Smoker's tongue."

the rythem is all off.

[Vandamguy]

the rythem is all off.

unless you can do something better  ...

[Dave]

There was a old veteran called bill
who swallowed a funny blue pill
his dick went all hard
and he yelled like a tard
then fucked zoe untill she was ill.



:3

[quote author=Dave link=topic=173.msg55114#msg55114 date=1229179757]
the rythem is all off.

unless you can do something better  ...
[/quote]

[rumsfald]

There once was a spaz from north Manc'
I tell you 'e was quite the wank.
'e was really loud
Rude, selfish, 'n proud
Hell, he could 'ave made a fine Yank.

[Dave]

There once was a spaz from north Manc'
I tell you 'e was quite the wank.
'e was really loud
Rude, selfish, 'n proud
Hell, he could 'ave made a fine Yank.

works

[x]

I tell you 'e was quite the wank.

Someone's been taking lessons from Ex in how to sound like a Dickensian scamp.

[rumsfald]

Someone's been taking lessons from Ex in how to sound like a Dickensian scamp.

Exanimo gives lessons on how to work the Dick like a tramp?

[Sponson]

There once was a man named "The Fury",
who grew so angry he got weary.
He fought Naked Snake
while being half baked,
now the ceiling is all smeary.

[[fr31ns]Karrde]

There once was a man from nantucket
I won't go into details, but the stories are GREATLY exaggerated...

[Scary Womanizing Pig Mask]

One I wrote for the Podcastle about Reggie Fils Aime.

He'll kick your ass and take your name
But his conference brought Nintendo shame
With his big meaty fists
And a throttle he twists
He still insists Wii Musics a game

[Versus]

There once was a spaz from north Manc'
I tell you 'e was quite the wank.
'e was really loud
Rude, selfish, 'n proud
Hell, he could 'ave made a fine Yank.

lmao

[fyre]

There once was a spaz from north Manc'
I tell you 'e was quite the wank.
'e was really loud
Rude, selfish, 'n proud
Hell, he could 'ave made a fine Yank.

Nice.