My little sister is having a joke-off in camp

[Surf314]

I want her to win, best kid friendly joke and hurry! (I've got to send her one sometime tonight)

[Geoff]

That's what she said.

[Surf314]

That's what she said.

Worst joke ever

[CaffeinePowered]

Dead babies are always funny

[A. Crow]

Kid friendly?  Define kid.

at a certain age, very little beats the consistent application of water balloons.

[Surf314]

Kid friendly?  Define kid.

at a certain age, very little beats the consistent application of water balloons.

14, but my mom may have access to the message I'm sending her.  It's a weird camp e-mail thing and I have to use my mom's account.

[rumsfald]

Sorry, I got nothing. But I hear Vandamguy kills with that demographic.

[Fail Medic]

LONG ONE

ok there was this guy and his friend called him over and said "hey i want to sell you my pet centipede"

the guy said, "pet centipede?  what would i want with a pet centipede?"

his friend said, "watch this.  centipede please fix me breakfast."  well the centipede goes into the kitchen and fixes a continental breakfast.

his friend says, "centipede please clean the bathroom"  off goes the centipede and five minutes later the bathroom is minty fresh

the guy says, "wow, okay.  i will buy the pet centipede.

guy goes home with his new pet centipede.  centipede fixes him t-bone steak for dinner, all that.

next morning, it's freezing cold outside.  guy says, "centipede, please go get the paper."

centipede looks at him for a bit and then goes off. 

guy waits five, ten, fifteen minutes.  "where is the centipede?"  he goes outside and sees the centipede still on the porch. 

"centipede, what's the deal?"

centipede says, "ITS COLD OUT HERE, IM STILL PUTTING MY SLIPPERS ON."

---

SHORT ONE

Teacher:  Vikings sailed the seas on ships called galleons.
Class Clown:  How many galleons did they get to the mile?

[CorpseFactor]

Eheh...only know dirty ones so no help here. The only kid ones I can remember are a little lame.

[HeK]

I misread the title as 'Jerk off'.


After opening I was sadly corrected.....

[A. Crow]

I hope by "joke off" you mean "prank war" btw... also, 14?  This is sounding like bandcamp...

[copulatingduck]

I misread the title as 'Jerk off'.


After opening I was sadly corrected.....

Well I'm glad I wasn't the only one. Though I did read it as "jack off."

Also, fucking lol'd at Fail's centipede joke. ;D

[KarthXLR]

I got one.

What did the Robot say to the Centipede?

STOP BEING A CENTIPEDE.
XD

AAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!turkey!!

Ya' see, it's funny because, the robot ain't got no arms.

[cannedpeahes]

I remember telling the hell out of some dirty jokes when I was 14.

Mary and Betty are smoking outside the nursing home when it starts to rain. Betty pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, and slips it over the cigarette. Mary is shocked. "What the hell is that?" she asks.
Betty says: "It's... a condom?"
"A condom, for a cigarette?" Mary replies. "Where'd you get it?"
"From the drugstore."
The next day, Mary goes to drugstore. She hunts around for fifteen minutes, but can't find the aisle where the condoms are. A salesman approaches her and asks her if he can help her with anything, or is she just browsing.
"Well, I need to get some condoms," Mary says, "But I can't find them anywhere."
"Sure..." says the salesman, taken aback, "Uh. What size?"
Mary thinks it over for a second and finally says,
"Doesn't matter, as long as it fits a Camel,"

Of course, she can't tell it, but hopefully y'all can has lulz.

I misread the title as 'Jerk off'.


After opening I was sadly corrected.....

Firstly, you are a disgusting, corrupted excuse for a human being. She's 14!

Secondly.... same.

[Budr]

She's 14!

Secondly.... same.

Naïvety FTW

[CorpseFactor]

[quote author=HeK link=topic=870.msg22398#msg22398 date=1216267914]
I misread the title as 'Jerk off'.


After opening I was sadly corrected.....

Well I'm glad I wasn't the only one. Though I did read it as "jack off."

Also, fucking lol'd at Fail's centipede joke. ;D
[/quote]Hurray for literacy! XD

[Dave]

What do you call a scouser in a suit?

oh wait shes not english

errrm.....

[cannedpeahes]

What do you call a scouser in a suit?

oh wait shes not english

errrm.....

A Beatle?

[Dave]

[quote author=Dave link=topic=870.msg22834#msg22834 date=1216419488]
What do you call a scouser in a suit?

oh wait shes not english

errrm.....

A Beatle?
[/quote]

the convicted :3

[Budr]

[quote author=cannedpeaches link=topic=870.msg22881#msg22881 date=1216441479]
[quote author=Dave link=topic=870.msg22834#msg22834 date=1216419488]
What do you call a scouser in a suit?

oh wait shes not english

errrm.....

A Beatle?
[/quote]

the convicted :3
[/quote]

:

Seriously, it's supposed to be accused - if he were already convicted he'd be in prison garb. Also, aren't you essentially a Scouser or at least on par with?