MAKE UP SILLY GAME ADDITIONS AND CRITIQUE THEM WITHOUT MERCY

[Captain Failmore]

Like most aspiring mod-makers, I'm much better with Photoshop than with programs that can actually be used to accomplish anything besides producing textures. That doesn't stop me from making up loads of crap ideas and accompanying visual aids, though.

lol aids

Anyway.

-*- FORUM-WIDE PILE OF SPARKLING CRAP -*-

Since I kept talking about this shit mid-game and that's really not the time for it. Maybe if I get the hang of... Hammer, and things that do stuff, I could pull some of this off. That's a ways away though and I kind of fail at coding but I don't have anything better to do with my non-gaming time so yeah. You guys, you add stuff too. And tear everyone else's ideas down like a master bastard. It'll be great.

MY GARBAGE:

- PYROVERHAUL

1. PYRO FUEL TANK - Pyro gets a second health meter, one for himself, one for his tank of delicious fuels. The tank is understandably much less durable than the Pyro. If the tank's health nears zero, it ignites and starts to slowly tick away what's left of it's health, perhaps lighting him or everything nearby on fire or sending him rocketing around uncontrollably. He then has a couple seconds to discard the tank via right-click or else it will explode when the tank health reaches zero. (If it's not taken straight to zero by getting shot, which can also happen. Yay for exploding Pyros as a sniper.) Discarding the tank causes him to chuck it a short distance, hopefully to safety. Picking up ammo repairs (or replaces) the tank. "WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO THAT?" It'd be funny, it'd make playing the Pyro a bit more challenging, and most importantly, Jihad Spies.

2. WET FLAMETHROWER, DRY FLAMETHROWER - Let the Pyro choose between a Super Soaker filled with napalm or what amounts to a giant blowtorch. The wet (napalm) flamethrower shoots a jet of liquid fuel that ignites things. The range is improved, and you get to light stuff up, but the down side? No ridiculous fucking damage at close range. The amount of fuel you dump on someone determines how much damage they'll take, and they'll take it much more steadily. A plus, though? Indirect, arcing fire with streams of fuel, leaving patches of damaging fire on the ground, and a secondary fire mode that pressurizes a glob of fuel and launches it all far like. (LIKE WE HAVEN'T SEEN THAT BEFORE LOL SHUT UP MIND STOP MAKING FUN OF ME.) The dry one? A lower damage, shorter duration ignite, coupled with shorter range sounds shitty, but it'd keep the stupid high damage the flamethrower already has. Secondary fire starts as the standard compression blast, but charges to release a much more damaging, wave-of-fire explosion. (lol fuel air bomb)

3. WET-DRY VAC PART 2 + 1 - Different fuels, different tank explosion effects? The wet fuel might just start pouring onto the ground, leaving a trail or a massive patch of fire, while the dry fuel causes the Pyro to rocket away. Chucking the ignited dry fuel tank could cause it to spin around through the air or on the ground, too.

4. THE STUPIDEST IDEA EVER, NOW IN MSPAINT FORM -



- MEDICK 8=+=>

1. STREET PHARMACIST - Give the Medic a stimulant injector that he can use on team-mates to increase their speed for a short time. Then we can all see what the Scout's like when he's high. (Hint: It probably sucks, maybe he should burn through his shots quicker.)

2. NO SERIOUSLY A GONORRHEA LAUNCHER - It'd be amusing, if extremely annoying, if all those needles shot out of the needle gun stuck around for a while, letting other players get stuck with them instead. That, or you could just drop a rusty syringe in an inconspicuous location that gives enemy players lockjaw. Like, you step on it, and then it's like OH SHIT YOU GOT THE CLAP and then you're all like MEDIC but there's no medics on your team so you're like FUCKING SHIT IT BURNS WHEN I PEE AND NOW I HAVE TO RUN BACK TO SPAWN GOD DAMN and then THE CLAP WAS THE SPY ALL ALONG

3. TACTICAL CHUNDERING - Ipecac Grenade or some kind of Puke Beam. Everyone in range will start to puke occasionally, resulting in hilarity and the inability to fight for a moment.

- MAGETS

1. WHAT THE FUCK - Why are rockets so goddamned slow? They should be slow just after leaving the launcher, but increase speed as they travel until being bullet-fast. There's no good reason a rocket should take three seconds to cross the divide in 2fort.

2. SERIOUSLY - I haven't noticed this myself, but it'd explain a lot; do rockets seriously get weaker at range? What the fuck. No.

3. SO MANY SHOTGUNS - Give him a Thompson or a grease gun, fuck.

4. FAILURE TO LAUNCH - There should be an achievement for killing yourself while trying to rocket-jump.

5. JARHEAD - The helmet does nothing. Why. It should protect the soldier's brainmeats. Those are important. Optional mod to replace the Soldier's head with a sprite of one of those black-shelled things from Mario 1 and Mario 3. You know, the ones that you can't hit with the fire flower. Those fuckers. Fuck those guys.

---

I'll probably post more later. Nobody will enjoy reading it. Nobody.

[Sarin]

Nice work, had a good laugh.

Also, how are you planning on implementing a burning sensation while peeing?  :o

[Captain Failmore]

The game performs a check every time you crouch to see if you're standing over a corpse. If you do it three times over a corpse within five seconds, goto :teabag.

Player bursts into flames if gonorrhea == 1

[Captain Failmore]

SPIDER SCOOT

SPIDER SCOOT

SCOOTS WHATEVER A SPIDER SCOOTS

1. IMPROBABLE FREE RUNNING PROWESS - Okay. We all know that GunZ: The Duel sucked massive amounts of dick. It was like the game was made manifest into an impossibly flaming man who then climbed to the peak of Mount Faggot and fellated it. With gusto. Like, TMJ-inducing gusto. And the mountain liked it too, the whole fucking mountain.

BUT.

That crazy wall-running shit was pretty badass. What if the Scout could run sideways along walls for short distances, or up walls for a few steps? (And then leap off of them and be like LETSTH WASTH UM EET MAI DUSTH)

2. HOOKMOD - In fact, everyone could use this. ESPECIALLY SPIDERSCOOT

3. I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING SHUT UP - What if the baseball bat could bat back grenades?

[A. Crow]

I've actually been hoping and praying for a decent fucking rifle to replace the shotty for a long time.  My money is on the M1 Garand.  ... I can hope can't I? God forbid something actually shoots straight in this damned game.

[Captain Failmore]

I've actually been hoping and praying for a decent fucking rifle to replace the shotty for a long time.  My money is on the M1 Garand.  ... I can hope can't I? God forbid something actually shoots straight in this damned game.

Given how the game seems to abhor medium to long range combat with a fucking passion, I'm wondering if the guys at Valve are just paranoid it'll turn into another Counterstrike if they actually make it possible. Mind, the cramped, madhouse style gameplay is part of the game's charm, but shit. If the Heavy's minigun were any less accurate, it'd fire sideways. Everyone has a shotgun, and the handguns do extremely poor damage. The only exception to the, 'NO DIRECT FIRE, NO ACCURACY, SPLASH DAMAGE ONLY, FINAL DESTINATION' mentality is a Sniper that gets far too few opportunities to shine.

I think it's a very deliberate design decision, really. Precision (and really, the individual ability to excel in things besides maneuvering and positioning) has such a diminished role that it's hard not to be of at least passable skill. That makes the game more accessible across the board. Moreover, it encourages closer, clumpier, more fast-paced action, which the game is known for. How many times in say, Battlefield 2 or Counterstrike have you seen two large groups of people going at each other's throats in a closed space for more than five seconds at a time? It just doesn't happen, because ordinarily they die before they get that close to one another and everyone's made of fucking paper so they die instantly in the crossfire anyway. If you have the ability to eliminate targets at medium to long range, you'll use that ability whenever you can. Since it requires precision and a greater level of skill to efficiently dispose of enemies that way, people that aren't as good at the game will suffer drastically more because suddenly bouncing around like fairies and exchanging round after round of shotgun fire just doesn't cut it. Then you get less skilled or less talented players getting put off by the game and feeling excluded, and the rest is history. The game is simply more accessible because it's kind of hard to fuck up using a shotgun, explosives, or an infantry insecticide sprayer that badly.

It really sours the much touted diversity and variation the game supposedly has, though. It also throws a wrench in the level design, making convoluted map designs with no hallways or rooms longer than 50 feet the gold standard. Finally, it's not as though including medium range weapons would ruin the whole game anyway; people will still use shotguns and the like in closed spaces, while maps that are more open would probably see more Sniper action along with battle rifles and that sort of thing, provided they're available.

Longer range combat in general just needs some love. TF2's a great fucking game, but after a while, this close in stuff gets a little old.

[Vongore]

Qué D:???


this looks like a copy pasta D:

[Dave]

scouts can  bat back stickies in the air.

[Loqutus]

I don't care if it's pasta or not, I loved it.

[[fr31ns]Karrde]

Burning sensation while peeing?  I think we can agree that the the Clap should start people on fire when they're forced to be.  "Well, I seem to have burst into flames."

[Captain Failmore]

Karrde link=topic=1374.msg37572#msg37572 date=1220983392]
Burning sensation while peeing?  I think we can agree that the the Clap should start people on fire when they're forced to be.   "Well, I seem to have burst into flames."

Infected players start to spout flames from groin-level while being on fire.

[Wedge]

Your ideas and thoughts on the game are all shit.

However this is funny stuff.

[A. Crow]

I would like to see Wedge's avatar spawn at random locations in the map every minute, the person who kills it gets 15 seconds of uber + kritz fuckingdom.

[Captain Failmore]

Your ideas and thoughts on the game are all shit.

However this is funny stuff.

You just don't understand how awesome a flyro would be.

Just for kicks you could have a Soldier or a Demo explode things at your tank so you go soaring toward the enemy before turning into a kamikaze rocket.

Yeah, they're pretty shit. I'd laugh at it though, and probably have fun with the mass retardation.

We need a mod that renames the Heavy to Action Retard.

[mechaolive]

FAILURE TO LAUNCH - There should be an achievement for killing yourself while trying to rocket-jump.
man that would funny

[Luca Shoal]

agreed.

Also, I require more Spider Scoot. I like his views and would like to subscribe to his newsletter.

[Dave]

agreed.

Also, I require more Spider Scoot. I like his views and would like to subscribe to his newsletter.

furry.

[Captain Failmore]

BIRDS FLY, GRASS GROWS, SUN SHINES, AND BROTHER THIS STUFF ABSORBS LIQUIDS

Scoot could ride the shamwows like flying carpets while Queen's Don't Stop Me Now plays in the background. Anyone can pick it up to clean spills. Spills of all kinds.

All. Kinds.

[CaffeinePowered]

BEWARE SHAMWOW IMITATORS

[Geoff]

MADE IN GERMANY, THE GERMANS ALWAYS MAKE THE GOOD STUFF