The "Fuck my life" thread

[KarthXLR]

[quote author=Sponson link=topic=3709.msg137772#msg137772 date=1266702718]
Last friday I got braces on the top row of teeth.

FML.

rofl



[/quote]
Still can't eat anything solid?

[ThunderStain]

Last friday I got braces on the top row of teeth.

FML.

I feel ya bro. luckily my orthodontist is a fucking piece of shit and im getting my braces taken off because he treats me like shit. Fuck Dr. Keith Okaford.

[Odin]

Braces, I know what that shit is like, I know your pain.

[A. Crow]

Situation
    You are a Captain in the US Army.  You have a platoon of ~40 2LTs being subjected to TRADOC environment.  PT is scheduled for 0520.  Your troops are there.  It is 19 F with a windchill at 9 F.  Sprints are scheduled for PT.  The track is dark.  There are 2 gyms within 1/4 mile of your current location. 
Mission
    Everyday, be a shitbag in order to perpetuate the opinion that you are a shitbag, and that tradoc is full of shitbags.
Execution
    Show up in ACUs and snivel gear instead of winter PTs.  Instruct your troops to conduct a 4 mile run, in violation of company SOP regarding PT weather conditions.  Get in your car and drive off before they start stretches.  Return to PT site while troops are performing run, sit in parking lot in car.  When you see formation approaching at double time, drive off. 
Service and Support
   You have a full basic load of shitbagness.  Your vehicle is topped off with UBL.  Casevac plan for your troops is whatever they can figure out on their own.  CCP is rolling, with troops. 
Command and Signal
   You are a shitbag.  Your shitbag succession of shitbagness goes from you, to your shitbag sergeant, who literally said "PT? fuck that" this morning.  Comms are by personal cell phones.  Your number is posted to your troops. 

[rumsfald]

[quote author=Surf314 link=topic=3709.msg137636#msg137636 date=1266597684]
I have absolutely no idea what to get my wife for our anniversary on Tuesday, she knows it too.

I'm getting her a bunch of random things to do with cotton (cotton anniversary). I got a weird look from the checkout lady for buying one towel. It's a really soft towel though.
[/quote]

Surf314, where's the after-action report on your anniversary project?

[rumsfald]

Also, @ LT Crow,

^ Hypocrisy? In MY Army?

[Surf314]

[quote author=Surf314 link=topic=3709.msg137769#msg137769 date=1266699370]
[quote author=Surf314 link=topic=3709.msg137636#msg137636 date=1266597684]
I have absolutely no idea what to get my wife for our anniversary on Tuesday, she knows it too.

I'm getting her a bunch of random things to do with cotton (cotton anniversary). I got a weird look from the checkout lady for buying one towel. It's a really soft towel though.
[/quote]

Surf314, where's the after-action report on your anniversary project?
[/quote]

It actually worked quite well which seems to confirm the old adage "It's the thought that counts."

[A. Crow]

Also, @ LT Crow,

^ Hypocrisy? In MY Army?

I hate shitbag officers, it makes me wish you could peer people out of the army.   

[at0m]

I killed an opossum last night with my car :/ I went to leave the space where I play Warhammer 40k on Wednesday nights, and when I backed out I felt a bump and saw a spray of liquid on the driver's side. After I got completely out of the parking space, I saw the opossum lying on its side, intestines hanging out its rear end, with a literal fan of vomit coming from its mouth going out like 6 feet. I parked in a different spot to tell the owner of the space, and when he came out to look at it, it got up and started limping away, dragging its entrails behind it. I hope it died quickly, since apparently I didn't crush its head with the tire One of the most disturbing things I've ever seen, and the smell... *shudders* D: I have to get a carwash now too because there's bloody opossum vomit all over the inside of one of my wheelwells.

[Trace]

eww  :-X

[CaffeinePowered]

I hit a rabbit once, but I'm pretty sure it died instantly, also hit a bid mid flight too, sucked to see it on the ground in my rear view mirror later

[Black Aspen]

I killed an opossum last night with my car :/ I went to leave the space where I play Warhammer 40k on Wednesday nights, and when I backed out I felt a bump and saw a spray of liquid on the driver's side. After I got completely out of the parking space, I saw the opossum lying on its side, intestines hanging out its rear end, with a literal fan of vomit coming from its mouth going out like 6 feet. I parked in a different spot to tell the owner of the space, and when he came out to look at it, it got up and started limping away, dragging its entrails behind it. I hope it died quickly, since apparently I didn't crush its head with the tire One of the most disturbing things I've ever seen, and the smell... *shudders* D: I have to get a carwash now too because there's bloody opossum vomit all over the inside of one of my wheelwells.

................  mah gawd.

[CaffeinePowered]

God my sinuses are clogged and I feel like shit...want to go home :\

[Luinbariel]

I hit a duck with my car going like 100 on the highway. That was fucking terrible.

WHAM duck.

[copulatingduck]

=(





Not really F [u][i]my life, but pretty good for FML: http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/20...merce.html

[beep beep diglett]

had an opossum living under our deck when i was a kid, god i miss that fucken opossum

[A. Crow]

I once took out three goslings from right behind their mother as they were crossing the road. 

Seriously, you should have tire iron'd the opossum when it started moving. 

[Professor Funbucks]

Applying for a student govt' job in the summer
Gotta get my grades/GPA and a bunch of stuff submitted....which wouldn't be a problem if my parents werent with me doing it cause my grades arent as good as ive been telling them fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

[copulatingduck]

isn't that stuff usually supposed to be sealed and whatnot straight and away from the school to prevent tampering?

[copulatingduck]

and my own contribution: phone must have fallen out of my pocket when I went for my run yesterday. Whomever found it has had several chats back and forth with a number in Eugene, OR, putting 2 hours airtime in juts under 3 hours. Tried calling the number in OR, to which a young presumably black female (doesn't sound like she's more than 20 at most) answered. She claims that it was "just a wrong number." When I asked about the call length, and her returning the calls, she claimed that she "had a bad day, and he seemed like a fun guy to chat with." Don't mind losing the phone (paid $200 4 years ago for it), but losing all my numbers, pictures, and a bunch of misc files on the memory card is rough