The "Fuck my life" thread

[copulatingduck]

still drunk fuck

[Vandamguy]

So, who wants to guess what I encountered to do this to my hand?

the phrasing of the question makes it seem like it was something not an event.
also: he was just on a rural farm with luin hangin out near bees.
retards.

my vote is spider bite.

[beep beep diglett]

[quote author=HeK link=topic=3709.msg152444#msg152444 date=1273896606]
So, who wants to guess what I encountered to do this to my hand?

the phrasing of the question makes it seem like it was something not an event.
also: he was just on a rural farm with luin hangin out near bees.
retards.

my vote is spider bite.
[/quote]

he isnt, luin is, durp

[Vandamguy]

i assumed they went together....

anyways im still goin with spiderbite.

waiting for next week when we get this pic

[copulatingduck]

god brown recluse bites are the fucking worst

[Luinbariel]

No no I went to the farm by myself this time. He's in the city but I'm not back yet.



Lol these guesses so far. I had no idea it looked that bad when you showed me the other day.

[KarthXLR]

@ vandam

Projectile Vomiting

[Radio Raheem]

dave please tell me you didnt show up at your job interview drunk man

[Luinbariel]

Oh Jesus damnit it seems that wood tick season started today.


AND THEY'RE HUNGRY





p.s. that is not me. They didn't get to stay long enough to bite me but I think they have infested my pants. I am scared to go back into the bathroom

[Odin]

p.s. that is not me. They didn't get to stay long enough to bite me but I think they have infested my pants. I am scared to go back into the bathroom

D: !

[Luinbariel]

[quote author=Luinbariel link=topic=3709.msg152514#msg152514 date=1273971428]



p.s. that is not me. They didn't get to stay long enough to bite me but I think they have infested my pants. I am scared to go back into the bathroom

D: !
[/quote]
,
They have been washed. They're in the dryer now. I'm just being silly, I'm pretty sure they can't actually infest your pants.





Oh god I hope not

[Chief]

[quote author=Odin link=topic=3709.msg152518#msg152518 date=1273976606]
[quote author=Luinbariel link=topic=3709.msg152514#msg152514 date=1273971428]



p.s. that is not me. They didn't get to stay long enough to bite me but I think they have infested my pants. I am scared to go back into the bathroom

D: !
[/quote]
,
They have been washed. They're in the dryer now. I'm just being silly, I'm pretty sure they can't actually infest your pants.





Oh god I hope not
[/quote]they infest your pants












































no im kidding lol
sorry if i scared anyone
EDIT: added more blank lines for dramatic effect

[PyroZombie]

The brown recluse has nothing against the Sydney funnel-web. If I can quote a friend of mine, the sole reason I will never visit Australia;

This is #1 on 'shit you don't want to bite you'. Period. If you get bitten by a snake, you have over 4 hours until the damage becomes chronic and sometimes up to 12 before you keel over dead (it's the heat and long distances to hospitals that make Australia so nasty with snakes, that and the fact that our snakes have venom you could clean grease stains with). Not so with the SFW, the record  for surviving this Eight-Legged-Armageddon is an Hour and sixteen minutes. The record. That was a healthy, very healthy man, fully hydrated and who knew how to treat the wound and stem the flow of poison and had god on his side (fickle ass). You, unprepared and unaware, will last 40 minutes, maximum. Think about how long that is, that's not a long time. That's not counting the fact that your fate is sealed after about 25 minutes, mind you, and you'd better hope the ambulance reaches you in time.

It's venom has Hemotoxic, Neurotoxic and Necrotic effects

Let me give you a rundown of what a whack from this thing will do to you:

1) Agonizing Pain. Not 'ow, put an ice-block on that' agony, but roll on the floor and beg for death agony. Neurotoxin is an utter bitch and will rape your nerve endings and make you see Satan.
2) Drooling. Not spit, not the pre-vomit wet-mouthness. After only 5 minutes you will drool so much and so uncontrollably you can barely breath or speak, making calling for help really hard. Did we mention agony more extreme than anything you have ever felt?
3) After this point, the fun stuff starts. You will cry, pee and crap blood, you will drool and vomit blood and the agony that once made you want to cut off your bitten limb has now spread to your entire body and is making every nerve scream for death.

And this little prick of an animal will bite you multiple times, if he can get you, because he feeds on your tears.

You die at this point. Ambulance drivers don't rush for snake bites, save to spare you prolonged pain before you get the cure. They will run red lights, scrape up against other cars and mount the sidewalk to get a funnelweb victim to the hospital, because after they've got there the guy is usually crying blood already.

If it bites your hand and you survive (making you honorarily Ultra), you will lose fingers, if it bites your foot be prepared to lose it, if it bites your face you're about to become one ugly fucker. Most of Australia's wildlife gets exaggerated in its lethality (at least I thought it did), even though everything here bar the sheep spit poison (the trees, dammit! Poison Trees!), but not the funnelweb.

[Vandamguy]

nice

needs more facts and pics tho



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sydney_funnel-web_spider


The spider can be very aggressive when provoked.
The spiders can survive such immersion for up to twenty-four hours and can deliver a bite when removed from the water.
It is also known that because of their large fangs, the victim has to pull the spider from the area of insertion. They will not detach if the victim shakes the area.
Since the antivenom was developed in 1981, there have been no recorded fatalities due to this species.

[KarthXLR]

nice

needs more facts and pics tho



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sydney_funnel-web_spider


The spider can be very aggressive when provoked.
The spiders can survive such immersion for up to twenty-four hours and can deliver a bite when removed from the water.
It is also known that because of their large fangs, the victim has to pull the spider from the area of insertion. They will not detach if the victim shakes the area.
Since the antivenom was developed in 1981, there have been no recorded fatalities due to this species.

[PyroZombie]

Well I can't stand pictures, I can only read about spiders. I'm arachnophobic, but I'm trying to overcome my fear by learning about them.

Like how it's debatable whether or not the black widow, or the Brazilian wandering spider are the deadliest.



UltraJoe is actually from austrilia, aka, "no-fucking-humans-allowed". The fauna, as well as certain species of fauna, are just brutal.

I'm trying to find Joe's post about the Stinging Tree, and how it's unfair.

[Luinbariel]

So I was helping my mom get rid of some dandelions in the yard today with her little dandelion picker. I went to grab them and throw them in the bin when I grabbed a handful of stinging nettle instead.

Then, when we were eating lunch I felt something in my shirt. So I checked and then freaked out in front of my parents at the table because there was a woodtick crawling out of my bra.


I think it's time to go home. See you in a few hours, HeK.

[Chief]

[quote author=Luinbariel link=topic=3709.msg152524#msg152524 date=1273978901]
[quote author=Odin link=topic=3709.msg152518#msg152518 date=1273976606]
[quote author=Luinbariel link=topic=3709.msg152514#msg152514 date=1273971428]



p.s. that is not me. They didn't get to stay long enough to bite me but I think they have infested my pants. I am scared to go back into the bathroom

D: !
[/quote]
,
They have been washed. They're in the dryer now. I'm just being silly, I'm pretty sure they can't actually infest your pants.





Oh god I hope not
[/quote]they infest your bras












































no im kidding lol
sorry if i scared anyone
EDIT: added more blank lines for dramatic effect
[/quote]fixed original post

[beep beep diglett]

dio died this morning

[Radio Raheem]

the guy that shit up black sabbath? who cares he was awful in everything he ever did he prob didnt even die right he messed that up like david caradine or something