short stories

[matter11]

a very short but nice read about the existentialist crisis of a male angler fish.
esca = bio-luminescent lure just fyi

http://clarkesworldmagazine.com/clark_11_12/

[KarthXLR]

I'm actually in the middle of writing a short film and would love everyone's thoughts on it, once it's finished that is.

[[SiN] Merc]

I'm actually in the middle of writing a short film and would love everyone's thoughts on it, once it's finished that is.

Sure thing. I'm a sucker for reading scripts and short stories.

[The Generic Name]

I can write a short story.  It wont be long or nothin.  Prolly a couple sentences....LETS GO

There once was a midget.  He was short and it was funny.  END

[at0m]

anglerfish story was interesting.

[KarthXLR]

Here's the script I wrote.

It's still a work in-progress. I'd love any constructive criticism.

[Mission Difficult]

Here's the script I wrote.

It's still a work in-progress. I'd love any constructive criticism.

The first thing that comes to mind is detail, especially for a short. I want to know how old he is, what he looks like, as much information about locations and interiors as possible. I can imagine all of the locations, but I want you to tell me what I should be seeing. After all, it's a visual medium. You probably already know that and are planning on it, but I'm just listing stuff so I don't leave anything out. Also, does he not feel any emotions at all? Or does he just lack the ability to express? I read a little bit about the blunted affect. I guess it's not that important for something small like this. In a way it reminds me of Lars and the Real Girl. Also I don't remember seeing many (or any) camera directions or transitions. Again, probably something you'll add later as you flesh it out. Page 9 (or google page 10), Thomas' first line on the page, you left out the word "you" (unless you wanted him to sound like a caveman for that line, in which case, mission accomplished.)

I liked the story. Great concept for a short film.

[KarthXLR]

[quote author=Karth link=topic=6616.msg258389#msg258389 date=1355445021]
Here's the script I wrote.

It's still a work in-progress. I'd love any constructive criticism.

The first thing that comes to mind is detail, especially for a short. I want to know how old he is, what he looks like, as much information about locations and interiors as possible. I can imagine all of the locations, but I want you to tell me what I should be seeing. After all, it's a visual medium. You probably already know that and are planning on it, but I'm just listing stuff so I don't leave anything out. Also, does he not feel any emotions at all? Or does he just lack the ability to express? I read a little bit about the blunted affect. I guess it's not that important for something small like this. In a way it reminds me of Lars and the Real Girl. Also I don't remember seeing many (or any) camera directions or transitions. Again, probably something you'll add later as you flesh it out. Page 9 (or google page 10), Thomas' first line on the page, you left out the word "you" (unless you wanted him to sound like a caveman for that line, in which case, mission accomplished.)

I liked the story. Great concept for a short film.
[/quote]
Just a script, shouldn't be dishing out camera directions unless it's a screenplay.

Edit: Shit, you're right about the typo. I thought I had gotten all of that smoothed out. We were restricted to a maximum of 10 pages for my class so I'd be glad to add some more detailing.