question for _________

[zaneyard]

I've got a question for everyone. It's something I've thought a lot about and I don't really care to talk to any one person about it; I would rather hear a collection of ideas.

So I'm a person that very often invites other people to do things with me: When I jump on dota, I'll invite people to play with me, When I go for a motorcycle ride, I'll invite my motorcycle friends to come along, etc. However, I very rarely am invited by the same people I offer invites to, or by anyone else (there's a few exceptions of course).
When I'm at home on my computer with not a whole lot to do I'll go on facebook chat and just pick a random person that's online and ask them how their doing and catch up. There's literally only one person that ever does that for me.

Here's my question: Is it simply that there's not a lot of people like me, or that I'm just friends with people that are unlike me, or that the friends I have think negatively of me in some way, preventing them from extending an invitation to me.

This is something that I've worked through a lot, and it really bugs me. The time I spend with one or more persons doesn't ever seem negative and I don't feel as if I reflect negatively upon other people. I mean, you all have played games with me, interacted with me on the forums. I know I used to shitpost a lot a long time ago but currently I like to try to act as friendly as possible and I can't see why people don't like me all that much.


I feel like Cartman here saying "don't you guys think I'm kewlllllllll?" but it's almost true for me. I don't expect every person I meet to be ecstatic about me, but I just feel like I make no lasting impression at all on anyone. Sometimes I start to think that having people dislike me is better than them not noticing me at all.

I mean I still have fun doing stuff by myself, but it makes me feel like there's something broken with me that no one wants to do things with me.

[KarthXLR]

I've got a question for everyone. It's something I've thought a lot about and I don't really care to talk to any one person about it; I would rather hear a collection of ideas.

So I'm a person that very often invites other people to do things with me: When I jump on dota, I'll invite people to play with me, When I go for a motorcycle ride, I'll invite my motorcycle friends to come along, etc. However, I very rarely am invited by the same people I offer invites to, or by anyone else (there's a few exceptions of course).
When I'm at home on my computer with not a whole lot to do I'll go on facebook chat and just pick a random person that's online and ask them how their doing and catch up. There's literally only one person that ever does that for me.

Here's my question: Is it simply that there's not a lot of people like me, or that I'm just friends with people that are unlike me, or that the friends I have think negatively of me in some way, preventing them from extending an invitation to me.

This is something that I've worked through a lot, and it really bugs me. The time I spend with one or more persons doesn't ever seem negative and I don't feel as if I reflect negatively upon other people. I mean, you all have played games with me, interacted with me on the forums. I know I used to shitpost a lot a long time ago but currently I like to try to act as friendly as possible and I can't see why people don't like me all that much.


I feel like Cartman here saying "don't you guys think I'm kewlllllllll?" but it's almost true for me. I don't expect every person I meet to be ecstatic about me, but I just feel like I make no lasting impression at all on anyone. Sometimes I start to think that having people dislike me is better than them not noticing me at all.

I mean I still have fun doing stuff by myself, but it makes me feel like there's something broken with me that no one wants to do things with me.

If said people you are inviting are doing things with you, they like you enough to hang out with you on multiple occasions. Seems to me you like company. And I can totally understand that, I'm the same way. Used to not even be able to go to the movies by myself because I was so self-conscious, now I have less of an issue with it although I prefer going with others.

Just because you aren't receiving some invitation doesn't mean they're holding a secret club meeting without you, it just means they're not inviting everyone. They have friends just like you or me, and you don't want to spend every waking moment with everyone you know. Sometimes you just want to be with a single person, be it romantic or friendship. Some people I know prefer being alone 50 percent of the week, sometimes even more than that depending on circumstances.

I hosted a movie event for nearly 2 years at my old apartment that I would invite upwards of 40 people to at a time. I ended up receiving 8-10 people at a time for the events but I was rarely, if ever, invited to parties by them or otherwise. It wasn't due to any contempt or malice, simply due to the fact they weren't inviting others or had nothing to host. In addition, some people are just too damn busy to prepare something worthy of invitation.

Maybe you're more of a host than you think you are. And let me tell you, that's a good thing.

[Luinbariel]

I've got a question for everyone. It's something I've thought a lot about and I don't really care to talk to any one person about it; I would rather hear a collection of ideas.

So I'm a person that very often invites other people to do things with me: When I jump on dota, I'll invite people to play with me, When I go for a motorcycle ride, I'll invite my motorcycle friends to come along, etc. However, I very rarely am invited by the same people I offer invites to, or by anyone else (there's a few exceptions of course).
When I'm at home on my computer with not a whole lot to do I'll go on facebook chat and just pick a random person that's online and ask them how their doing and catch up. There's literally only one person that ever does that for me.

Here's my question: Is it simply that there's not a lot of people like me, or that I'm just friends with people that are unlike me, or that the friends I have think negatively of me in some way, preventing them from extending an invitation to me.

This is something that I've worked through a lot, and it really bugs me. The time I spend with one or more persons doesn't ever seem negative and I don't feel as if I reflect negatively upon other people. I mean, you all have played games with me, interacted with me on the forums. I know I used to shitpost a lot a long time ago but currently I like to try to act as friendly as possible and I can't see why people don't like me all that much.


I feel like Cartman here saying "don't you guys think I'm kewlllllllll?" but it's almost true for me. I don't expect every person I meet to be ecstatic about me, but I just feel like I make no lasting impression at all on anyone. Sometimes I start to think that having people dislike me is better than them not noticing me at all.

I mean I still have fun doing stuff by myself, but it makes me feel like there's something broken with me that no one wants to do things with me.

Some folks just aren't good at taking the initiative, whereas it looks like you are.

Used to be when I was younger and still going to school with friends, they would call me and see if I wanted to do something on the weekends all the time. They'd call and want to chat (one of them in particular); and we could talk for an hour about nothing. But I NEVER called them first. I actually didn't like talking on the phone and would never initiate it myself. I still don't. I don't even call HeK when he's away; I prefer to chat with G+ or something.

I don't think your friends have anything against you. In fact they probably don't even notice that it's happening. If it truly bothers you, you might say something to them about it; "hey, I noticed I usually set things up. Remember, you can call me too, I'm usually up for whatever". At least make them aware of what's going on and how you feel about it, or it's not likely to change.

[CaffeinePowered]

Deus Ex, System Shock 2, Fallout, Planescape Torment, and Super Mario 64.

Also holy shit, I never knew that Scott Joplin was black.  Color me whitewashed.

Gotta go with Genre Defining (at least to me anyway)...given the setting I'd say no multiplayer

Action/Exploration - Super Metroid
Action/Adventure 2D - Link to the Past
A/A 3D - Ocarina
JRPG - Final Fantasy VI
RPG - Fallout
3D Platformer - Mario 64
2D Platformer - Mario 3
FPS - Half Life 2
Adventure - Monkey Island 2


There's so many other things I'd want to put up there, but sticking to one per genre makes it very difficult. Alternatively my list could be called Nintendo + Valve & Friends

[Elder]

FF tactics
Terraria
Meteos
Also something like Dark Souls

[zaneyard]

Used to be when I was younger and still going to school with friends, they would call me and see if I wanted to do something on the weekends all the time. They'd call and want to chat (one of them in particular); and we could talk for an hour about nothing. But I NEVER called them first. I actually didn't like talking on the phone and would never initiate it myself. I still don't. I don't even call HeK when he's away; I prefer to chat with G+ or something.

I guess I'm just kinda used to that where back in high school everyone would get home on the bus at the same time and then we'd go hang out in the garage or something. And then after high school that all just stopped.


Karth, I totally understand what you're saying; I hosted a spaghetti night in the dorms last year inviting everyone to come eat free spaghetti. Only got like 6 people on a sunday evening. Who the fuck turns down free spaghetti?



Thanks though guys, I guess I just get lonely sometimes and then I sit there wondering who to text to hang and feel like no one would even bother responding to me cause they haven't done so on their own initiative.

[Eschatos]

I've got a question for everyone. It's something I've thought a lot about and I don't really care to talk to any one person about it; I would rather hear a collection of ideas.

So I'm a person that very often invites other people to do things with me: When I jump on dota, I'll invite people to play with me, When I go for a motorcycle ride, I'll invite my motorcycle friends to come along, etc. However, I very rarely am invited by the same people I offer invites to, or by anyone else (there's a few exceptions of course).
When I'm at home on my computer with not a whole lot to do I'll go on facebook chat and just pick a random person that's online and ask them how their doing and catch up. There's literally only one person that ever does that for me.

Here's my question: Is it simply that there's not a lot of people like me, or that I'm just friends with people that are unlike me, or that the friends I have think negatively of me in some way, preventing them from extending an invitation to me.

This is something that I've worked through a lot, and it really bugs me. The time I spend with one or more persons doesn't ever seem negative and I don't feel as if I reflect negatively upon other people. I mean, you all have played games with me, interacted with me on the forums. I know I used to shitpost a lot a long time ago but currently I like to try to act as friendly as possible and I can't see why people don't like me all that much.


I feel like Cartman here saying "don't you guys think I'm kewlllllllll?" but it's almost true for me. I don't expect every person I meet to be ecstatic about me, but I just feel like I make no lasting impression at all on anyone. Sometimes I start to think that having people dislike me is better than them not noticing me at all.

I mean I still have fun doing stuff by myself, but it makes me feel like there's something broken with me that no one wants to do things with me.

I just suffer from a crippling fear that no one actually wants to interact with me. A lot of the time when I'm about to try starting a conversation/game, I hover the mouse over someone's name and then back out. Also I quit Dota until I graduate.

[zaneyard]

See I'm not really afraid so much it's that I really really don't like bothering people. So I'll initiate conversation with someone a few times and then they'll never do the same and I just feel like I'm bothering them too much so I stop talking to them (not avoiding).


I've found that just saying hi to people in the hallways that make eye contact with you helps immensely with getting over the fear of interaction. Like I have absolutely no problem with going up to a girl and telling her I like her dress, etc, it's just that most time I don't have any reason to talk to someone I don't know.

[CaffeinePowered]

See I'm not really afraid so much it's that I really really don't like bothering people. So I'll initiate conversation with someone a few times and then they'll never do the same and I just feel like I'm bothering them too much so I stop talking to them (not avoiding).

If they reply - then you aren't bothering them. Some people initiate things, some people wait for calls, some people are inbetween.

[Kor]

I've got a question for everyone. It's something I've thought a lot about and I don't really care to talk to any one person about it; I would rather hear a collection of ideas.

So I'm a person that very often invites other people to do things with me: When I jump on dota, I'll invite people to play with me, When I go for a motorcycle ride, I'll invite my motorcycle friends to come along, etc. However, I very rarely am invited by the same people I offer invites to, or by anyone else (there's a few exceptions of course).
When I'm at home on my computer with not a whole lot to do I'll go on facebook chat and just pick a random person that's online and ask them how their doing and catch up. There's literally only one person that ever does that for me.

Here's my question: Is it simply that there's not a lot of people like me, or that I'm just friends with people that are unlike me, or that the friends I have think negatively of me in some way, preventing them from extending an invitation to me.

This is something that I've worked through a lot, and it really bugs me. The time I spend with one or more persons doesn't ever seem negative and I don't feel as if I reflect negatively upon other people. I mean, you all have played games with me, interacted with me on the forums. I know I used to shitpost a lot a long time ago but currently I like to try to act as friendly as possible and I can't see why people don't like me all that much.


I feel like Cartman here saying "don't you guys think I'm kewlllllllll?" but it's almost true for me. I don't expect every person I meet to be ecstatic about me, but I just feel like I make no lasting impression at all on anyone. Sometimes I start to think that having people dislike me is better than them not noticing me at all.

I mean I still have fun doing stuff by myself, but it makes me feel like there's something broken with me that no one wants to do things with me.

Let me offer the opposite perspective on that. It starts with a simple analogy: I am a kite.

This is a self-description for my own behavior when interacting with individuals like yourself. As a kite, I am whole satisfied to soar among the clouds; not quite oblivious, but serene and content(Zen, if you prefer). When it comes to social interaction, people like yourself, in my perception, act as the line and reel - ensuring that I'm lost to the clouds, and occasionally reeling me ground-ward, so as not to lose touch socially. Sometimes I have friends call and wonder if I'm dead: It's not as if I've forgotten these people, or stopped caring about them; I simply let life whisk me away frequently. Folks like yourself are invaluable, you demonstrate that people are missed. I'd suggest that you always make sure your intent for reeling people in is genuine.

As you've described the situation, I ponder about the amount of personal investment in your relationships. I, in no way, mean this to be offensive Zane. I'd love to read your thoughts on the difference between the topical(I want to just hang out and do shit) and the invested(heart-to-hearts/genuine empathy). Even as I type this, I guess it can be condensed further into how many people do you call acquaintance, and how many you call friend. Maybe the answer lays there.

As for this:

I really really don't like bothering people.

I don't have any reason to talk to someone I don't know.

Consider my own philosophy on this: Everyone I've met, every stranger I pass by, every living soul I'll have privilege of knowing, is me - Living a different life, with different experiences, in a different environment. How can I possibly not want to have a glimmer of that possible life? To know them is to rediscover a part of yourself.

[Dtrain323i]

The day I get my unabomber shack in the woods is the day you never hear from me again.


<3

[zaneyard]

Even as I type this, I guess it can be condensed further into how many people do you call acquaintance, and how many you call friend. Maybe the answer lays there.

That's something I struggle with a lot.

I don't like to separate them so much, I think there's a section in between called conditional friendship. They're people that you really enjoy spending time with and all that jazz but when schedules change they disappear.

That said, I do have a few people I consider genuine friends, even if we don't talk all that often.
For me I try to balance the amount that one is willing to invest on me with how much I invest on them. I know we just got done discussing this, but I can't help but feel unwanted if someone that I make an effort to talk to every day or so doesn't ever return the favor.

Thank you for the metaphor. It really makes a lot of sense to me.

I might have more to add to this later, but my head a little cloudy with some responsibilities I need to take care of.

[Didzo]

I spent an hour typing an introspective response to you Zane, but fuck it. Here's the short version:

The only way you, me, or anyone is ever going to be completely comfortable living within a social world is by being completely comfortable with themselves first.

[Dr. Zaius]

The day I get my unabomber shack in the woods is the day you never hear from me again.


<3

take me with


oh and on topic, zane when i was in highschool i had a group of friends that were 2 years older than i was, and most of the hanging out we did in our highschool years (a solid majority of the times at least) i somehow orchestrated the gatherings. after high school, not so much but we would still hang on occasion. i know where you're coming from in that regard and also when it comes to not wanting to be a bother to others; that's something that's embedded in my personality as well. i always try to be sensitive to others' personalities so interactions are as positive/relevant/fulfilling as i want them to be. that doesnt mean they always go that way though, communication takes two parties and can get needlessly complicated. 4 years after high school and i still have my best friend/chum broseidon 4 lyfe, even though he lives a state over from me, i'm content that i've retained that much of genuine friendship. because god damn, people get so much less cool as you get older, at least in my own jaded experience.


rambling futher, kor's bit about

Consider my own philosophy on this: Everyone I've met, every stranger I pass by, every living soul I'll have privilege of knowing, is me - Living a different life, with different experiences, in a different environment. How can I possibly not want to have a glimmer of that possible life? To know them is to rediscover a part of yourself.

is some wisdom to live by. and to conclude that i am glad to know you folks, in whatever capacity it may be.



moving forward with the philosophy mood, i want to bring up synchronicity and it's relevance. do you think what we experience as synchonised events is meaningful and in any way related to those we are close to and their experiences?

[Dr. Zaius]

Ok, new question. Everybody's favorite topic! Ebola!


Is it a serious threat since it's already in the U.S.? Is it overhyped to garner fear? Is it being used to invoke martial law? Discuss.

[Surf314]

Ok, new question. Everybody's favorite topic! Ebola!


Is it a serious threat since it's already in the U.S.? Is it overhyped to garner fear? Is it being used to invoke martial law? Discuss.

Every thing I've read on it says it is not easy to spread. I think they say the average infection rate is 1 infected person will infect 2 people under ideal conditions.  This is pretty low compared to other diseases, but still high enough to worry about since it is such a deadly disease.  I think the major problem is discovering just how unprepared we are to deal with any serious infectious disease.

[CaffeinePowered]

Ok, new question. Everybody's favorite topic! Ebola!


Is it a serious threat since it's already in the U.S.? Is it overhyped to garner fear? Is it being used to invoke martial law? Discuss.

Call me when it gets this bad

[Goffin]

We're overdue for another pandemic and I invite it!   

[Dtrain323i]

[quote author=Dr. Zaius link=topic=5854.msg281559#msg281559 date=1413559007]
Ok, new question. Everybody's favorite topic! Ebola!


Is it a serious threat since it's already in the U.S.? Is it overhyped to garner fear? Is it being used to invoke martial law? Discuss.

Every thing I've read on it says it is not easy to spread. I think they say the average infection rate is 1 infected person will infect 2 people under ideal conditions.  This is pretty low compared to other diseases, but still high enough to worry about since it is such a deadly disease.  I think the major problem is discovering just how unprepared we are to deal with any serious infectious disease.
[/quote]


I think the CDC is suffering from institutional inertia here. I think there was an assumption that it wouldn't jump the Atlantic and when it did they had an "oh shit" moment and are now trying to play catch up. Just the other day, Tom Frieden, the director of the CDC, said that he wished he'd sent a team to Dallas as soon as the first Ebola case showed up. I worry about Ebola, not because the virus itself can easily spread, but because there isn't a plan in place for it.

[kaese]

serious threat?
for those currently infected yes since there is a 70% fatality rate
for general US population, no

ebola in the us is way too overhyped by the news outlets. people are too dumb to really research about it so they just assume that ebola will go the way of swine flu etc. but I'm not so secretly hoping it becomes even more hyped so that WHO, NIH, etc receive more money. That would be the only good thing coming out of this outbreak.

>insert frustrated words about scientific funding vs military funding