New/Improved Longest Thread

[Didzo]

Get a smoothie or hot chocolate or italian soda or tea or any number of drinks they undoubtedly have. It's a non-issue.

[copulatingduck]

Try something on Tuesday and see how it goes (don't do expresso), don't go in blind if you've never had coffee. First and only time I've ever had coffee it gave me wicked shits, not something you want to deal with on a date-type-thing.

(Not saying it's guaranteed, but different people react differently to coffee, wouldn't want you to handle it like I did)

Or Didzo's idea, I think that's better tbh

[zaneyard]

Get a smoothie or hot chocolate or italian soda or tea or any number of drinks they undoubtedly have. It's a non-issue.

That's what my roommate suggested as well.

Duck, I think I'll take your advice and try coffee some other time when I have a block of time freed up just in case I have the mad shits. I've been meaning to start using caffeine as a pre-workout to help remove this mental block I'm getting.

[Evil Cheese]

Yeah just go for a standard drip coffee if you've never had it before, I'd definitely hit it with some sugar though. I can't do straight black, it's too bitter for me and I drink coffee almost every day. You might like a latte or cappuccino as well if you're cool with dairy. Like Didzo says, you could always get something that's not coffee and most cafes usually have tea and chai tea as well. Not really something worth sweating about.

[Eightball]

Yeah just go for a standard drip coffee if you've never had it before, I'd definitely hit it with some sugar though. I can't do straight black, it's too bitter for me and I drink coffee almost every day. You might like a latte or cappuccino as well if you're cool with dairy.

Seconded. I had to drink lattes and things of that nature to develop a taste, and even then I still add sugar to my morning dosage of coffee.

[Dr. Zaius]

black + a splash of milk

good to go

[Cineo]

My vote is for a non coffee-ish drink...that way in case you make out later you don't have coffee breath.

[CaffeinePowered]

No Milk, No Sugar, Final Destination Coffee

[Greatbacon]

No Milk, No Sugar, Final Destination Coffee

This is the optimal end goal for drinking coffee, but I know I had a lot of cappuccino's and lattes before I got to this point.

[Surf314]

The quality of the coffee and how it is prepared matters a great deal. I'm a coffee snob but I try not to be a dick about it. If you get like a regular drip from some place like a diner you have to put cream and sugar in it.  All you will taste there is the burny taste of caramelized coffee beans.  Starbucks isn't much better, they do dark roasts because it lets them get the most consistent taste - the taste of burnt beans.  Seriously, most coffee you will ever drink is burnt on purpose because people have been trained to like the taste of burnt beans instead of trying to taste the coffee.  It's like eating a burnt cookie - it can be good, but is in no way indicative of how good the cookie was before being burnt.

If you go to a real coffee place expect to pay a bit more (although usually comparable to Starbucks, which is overpriced).  Also these places tend to have a lot of choices of single origin beans.  Coffee is surprisingly affected by the soil, weather, and harvesting methods.  Coffee from Kenya is almost always savory, like a stew.  Ethiopia is known for producing high quality beans with a crisp flavor.  A lot of South American countries produce beans that have the sort of classic coffee flavor.  Harvesting also changes the taste because the fruit has sugars and some methods have the fruit being removed early in the process, and some later.  If the fruit stays on it transfers some of the sugars, but it can also rot the beans.  Real coffee flavor (not burnt) is great and doesn't need cream or sugar.  If brewed properly it's not really bitter, although there is an acidity that rises as it cools (it gets sour - but not unpleasantly).

DO NOT ORDER BRAZILIAN COFFEE.  There is a weird fungus that exists along the Rio that if it gets in the beans makes it taste terrible.  You have to be able to trust that the supplier has a high quality standard before drinking anything from Brazil.

Bad effects = The skin of the bean has natural make you poop stuff in it.  It's usually not that strong, like taking a stool softener.  You most likely won't have an intense need to shit after, but it can make you regular.  The thing you really want to worry about though is the bad effects of caffeine if you aren't used to it.  It can make you jittery, have a high pulse, anxious, give you a headache, or make you feel nauseous.  These are like overdose symptoms.  Don't drink more than one cup until you know your body can handle it, especially if you are prone to anxiety.  I've had coffee induced panic attacks before when I drank too much.

[zaneyard]

That's some good info there surf.

I'm a big fan of the idea of shade grown coffee because of how much rainforest is being cut down to plant fields.

[Surf314]

Re: the pooping effect. I think what it does is relax your sphincters, so if there is already a poop train ready to leave the station it will want to leave now.  Coffee is like the Mussolini of poop trains.

[kaese]

[quote author=Caffeine link=topic=2632.msg281476#msg281476 date=1413290624]
No Milk, No Sugar, Final Destination Coffee

This is the optimal end goal for drinking coffee, but I know I had a lot of cappuccino's and lattes before I got to this point.
[/quote]
No it isn't. You like coffee how you like it, there is no "true" way of drinking coffee.
I used to drink my coffee black but recently I enjoy adding some almond milk or soy to it. You do you.
Also the "coffee" in your lattes and capps is espresso, which doesn't taste the same.

I'm at risk for sounding like a coffee snob (and I really try not to be because I don't even drink coffee that often. but I had to take a few coffee classes for my job), but Starbucks coffee is pretty terrible. Basically they have a bit of arabica (nice beans) blended with robusta (cheap, easy to grow beans) and they call their blend "gourmet" or something because they have some nice beans in there.
Compare this to the cafe I work at which roasts their own beans and only uses arabica. The quality and taste is much better.
Surf has some nice comments about the coffee origin and preparation (washed vs not washed) affecting its taste. I personally like Indonesian coffee because it tastes earthy.

Edit: I noticed a comment about dark roasts containing less caffeine. The difference in the caffeine content between medium and dark roasts is negligible. Dark roasted beans will have lost a bit more mass and therefore will contain slightly less caffeine than medium roasted beans. The part people tend to overlook is that you brew coffee beans by mass, so you'll have to use more dark roast beans to brew the same amount of coffee compared to medium and therefore the caffeine content is actually slightly higher (in your cup of joe).
tl;dr: caffeine content in medium vs dark roasts < 1% difference so drink what you like based on taste

Oh I guess my suggestion for Zaneyard would be to get tea if you like tea. You won't feel the sweats, shakiness, and crash that you get from coffee but you'd still be getting caffeine. Not all teas contain caffeine though (herbal teas such as rooibos don't).
You can also try a chai (black tea + spices) latte. Not my thing but a lot of people like it.
Since it's autumn, you can also order apple cider.
The non-coffee possibilities are endless.

[Dtrain323i]

[quote author=Greatbacon link=topic=2632.msg281477#msg281477 date=1413294102]
[quote author=Caffeine link=topic=2632.msg281476#msg281476 date=1413290624]
No Milk, No Sugar, Final Destination Coffee

This is the optimal end goal for drinking coffee, but I know I had a lot of cappuccino's and lattes before I got to this point.
[/quote]
No it isn't. You like coffee how you like it, there is no "true" way of drinking coffee.
I used to drink my coffee black but recently I enjoy adding some almond milk or soy to it. You do you.
Also the "coffee" in your lattes and capps is espresso, which doesn't taste the same.

I'm at risk for sounding like a coffee snob (and I really try not to be because I don't even drink coffee that often. but I had to take a few coffee classes for my job), but Starbucks coffee is pretty terrible. Basically they have a bit of arabica (nice beans) blended with robusta (cheap, easy to grow beans) and they call their blend "gourmet" or something because they have some nice beans in there.
Compare this to the cafe I work at which roasts their own beans and only uses arabica. The quality and taste is much better.
Surf has some nice comments about the coffee origin and preparation (washed vs not washed) affecting its taste. I personally like Indonesian coffee because it tastes earthy.

Edit: I noticed a comment about dark roasts containing less caffeine. The difference in the caffeine content between medium and dark roasts is negligible. Dark roasted beans will have lost a bit more mass and therefore will contain slightly less caffeine than medium roasted beans. The part people tend to overlook is that you brew coffee beans by mass, so you'll have to use more dark roast beans to brew the same amount of coffee compared to medium and therefore the caffeine content is actually slightly higher (in your cup of joe).
tl;dr: caffeine content in medium vs dark roasts < 1% difference so drink what you like based on taste

Oh I guess my suggestion for Zaneyard would be to get tea if you like tea. You won't feel the sweats, shakiness, and crash that you get from coffee but you'd still be getting caffeine. Not all teas contain caffeine though (herbal teas such as rooibos don't).
You can also try a chai (black tea + spices) latte. Not my thing but a lot of people like it.
Since it's autumn, you can also order apple cider.
The non-coffee possibilities are endless.
[/quote]

You're right about starbucks. To add to that, they also over roast their beans to get that "strong coffee" flavor. What they're actually doing is burning them. Caribou Coffee uses 100% arabica beans and they roast them correctly. Though, caribou is getting harder to find since they pulled up anchor in a lot of the places they were at (chicago area for sure).

[Eightball]

Re: the pooping effect. I think what it does is relax your sphincters, so if there is already a poop train ready to leave the station it will want to leave now.  Coffee is like the Mussolini of poop trains.

Ooh, I can contribute to this discussion. It's not so much the sphincters as the motility of the entire distal colon--you have two anal sphincters, of which one is under somatic (ie voluntary) control. It's tempting to say that it's the caffeine that is affecting the muscle tone, but: According to this study, the pooping effect happens as quickly as 4 minutes, which is too fast for the coffee to be adequately absorbed and redistributed to the lower GI circulation. So, it's thought that there is a stimulatory effect that the coffee is exerting in the upper GI (stomach). We already know about the gastrocolic reflex--distension of the stomach promotes colonic motility--it's why you suddenly have a poop after a meal. Probably the coffee is working via a mechanism like that.

Also gonna agree with Kase; there's no point in treating coffee (or any subjective experience) in an absolute sense. But, disclaimer: Despite my earlier statement, I've given up coffee. It's apparently a migraine trigger for me. So, tea tea tea tea tea

[Kor]

Living in the home city of Tim Hortons has all but ruined coffee for me. Although -  I have to say I'm surprised how deep this went for people.

@Zane - Having a coffee with a lady turned into an existential situation.... Well done!

[rumbot]

So last night for the first time some girl said something about my receding hairline. Is it really that big of a deal to people?

Once, I started dating this fine, quality girl, and then learned she had a thing for bald guys.

It made me nervous for a bit, until I remembered I have pretty fabulous hair.

There are ways to rock the bald look. Kor does it. Bruce Willis does it. Picard. Always, Picard.

The point is to embrace the dice you rolled.

**************************************

On the topic of coffee - yeah, I've got opinions. I've had the cold, had the black, had the shakes, and had the migraines of withdrawal.

Bigger question is - Why would you suggest a coffee date if you've never had coffee?

That comes across as phony and try-hard. If the girl is a coffee snob on the order of Caff or Surf or Me, you might get categorized as a poser. Next time, suggest a meet-up, that happens to be at a hot beverage place, or suggest a snack, or a milkshake (if you like them), or really suggest anything you like.

Who gives a shit if a "coffee date" is the lowest common denominator of a sober first excursion into exploring compatibility. You're not exploring compatibility if you are suggesting doing something you don't even do.

My advice: don't try coffee in advance. show up. tell her you've never coffee before, ask for tips on what to order. When she asks why you suggested coffee, just look at her, shrug, and say you like trying new things with new people. Ask her again for ordering tips if she hasn't yet shared them.

partners who are unafraid to be themselves and try new things >> people who stay within the comfort zones of their expertise.

******************************

Good luck. Worst thing that can happen is you shit yourself.

[KarthXLR]

Coffee gives me the shits and also upset stomachs.

[zaneyard]

Well I've been meaning to try coffee and it seemed like a decent way to have a little bit of a chat with this girl without spending 20 bucks on dinner or a movie ticket. I've got no problem doing these things but right now I need to watch my spending and it's a first date kinda thing.
The cafe downtown has all sorts of stuff anyway including craft beers so if I really decide I don't want to get a coffee I can do something else.

Honestly if someone I asked out got that upset about the whole coffee not drinking coffee thing, I'd not want to be into them anyway. I don't really get the vibe from this girl that she'd be upset about it. I think it was implied that it was more about the getting together and talking in a place where everyone feels comfortable.




As far as my hair goes, I just haven't found a hairstyle that I'm really happy with right now. I've done bald, super short, super long; right now I'm somewhere in between and I like it mostly. I just gotta keep trying styles to see what I like on me. It's just hard to find what I like on me because it's so dependant on your own hair, your face shape, etc. It's different than clothes, I can look in a magazine and see what kinda clothes I would like to wear, hairstyles you can't really do that so much.

[Greatbacon]

[quote author=Greatbacon link=topic=2632.msg281477#msg281477 date=1413294102]
[quote author=Caffeine link=topic=2632.msg281476#msg281476 date=1413290624]
No Milk, No Sugar, Final Destination Coffee

This is the optimal end goal for drinking coffee, but I know I had a lot of cappuccino's and lattes before I got to this point.
[/quote]
words about coffee
[/quote]

I mean, I agree in that if you don't drink coffee black, that's fine.  I guess what I was trying to get across is that if you get to the point where you can enjoy your coffee black, then you never have to worry about having milk/cream or sugar to go with it.  You can just always drink a cup of coffee, period.  It also helps if you're doing the whole calorie watching thing, since you're basically just drinking caffeinated,flavored water if you go black.  It's not best, it's optimal.